Vince Staples Is Not Retiring, Duh

Vince Staples is not going to shut up. He is not going to move to Palmdale. He is not going to buy a Honda or a dog. We are going to have to put up with him for a whole lot longer. This is good news.

This is not, however, a surprise. Nobody thought Staples was retiring. Last week, in a pretty amazing PR stunt, the brilliant Long Beach rapper and even more brilliant internet personality launched a GoFundMe campaign, offering to disappear completely from our lives if we raised two million dollars to fund his lifestyle. This turned out to be viral marketing for “Get The Fuck Off My Dick,” Staples’ new single. The campaign fell well short of its goal, as everyone knew it would. Anyone who sincerely wanted Staples to be quiet only managed to raise $2,022, which is probably not even enough for a Palmdale security deposit.

On Twitter last night, Staples wrote that, since the GoFundMe campaign was not going to get anywhere near its goal, he would return the money to whoever donated. He would also match those donations, giving them instead to Long Beach’s Michelle Obama Public Library. That’s a nice gesture, though $2,022 probably won’t buy that many books. Here’s what he had to say on Twitter: