I'm going to pretend this is a sequel to The Dark Knight. Aaron Eckhart gets plastic surgery and moves to Seattle, where he writes a self-help book inspired by Rachel's death. He leverages his political career (which was saved by Batman taking the blame for his crimes!) to get the book published. He then falls in love with Jennifer Anniston because her name is also Rachel.
"Brian this is a story you're pretty familiar with since you've been covering it for about three years now, huh?" "Uh, y-...yeah it's uh, a story people are familiar with now..."
God have you seen the movie Pieces of April? That movie made me so fucking mad. It was an indie movie that was too indie to use a tripod but not too indie to give Jack from Will and Grace a completely unnecessary role just to show off that they 'could get him' or something.
I feel like I'm the only person who liked X-Men 3. It was an adequate conclusion to a trilogy--the fact that Gene Grey and Logan's powers ended up being antitheses to each other was a great way to end their whole unrequited mutant love triangle thing. And all the comic book nerds were like "Boo! That's not what the Phoenix Saga is supposed to be like!" and all the normal people were like "Boo! I'm not nerdy enough for this!" It was a competent ending!
I was always kind of sad that I never saw Alia Shawkat in anything outside of Arrested Development, but then this video reminded me that she apparently played The Oracle in The Matrix. (More like The Matryikes)
I saw this video yesterday and got so excited that this happened:
I also bought a hedgehog because of that video of the hedgehog eating the carrot. I'm a man who lets viral videos influence his life discussions. Don't judge me.
Hot Topic is testing some keyboard cat T shirts right now. Hopefully they'll do well and they'll order more. Then I can feel validated and legitimized for having a Hot Topic T shirt, just like Fred.
Ew @ the baby being black just because it's more believable that a black person would name a baby after a brand of bottled water. "We can make this viral ad starring a black baby named Poland Springs."
Though, even more annoying is how fake 'viral videos' always have the same weirdly over produced cheesy tropes (super high quality camera, unrealistic looking artifacts, an off-screen PAID VOCIE ACTOR pretending to be a normal person who is talking more than real camera operators actually talk in YouTube videos, and ALWAYS go over the top with the lamp shades "hold my camera for a second--WHOA DID YOU SEE THAT!?). Why can't they just USE CONSUMER GRADE CAMERAS and NON-ACTORS? How can it be that hard to imitate amateurism?
Also, Evian is 'naive' backwards, 'live' is 'evil' backwards... EvianLiveYoung.com ... What's young backwards? Naive evil GNU Oy? I've already put too much thought into this.
What's annoying about Napoleon Dynamite is that the most clever parts of it--Deb, Don/Summer, Uncle Rico, the ambiguously bulldyke aunt, and one of the best portrayals ever of the depressing pathetic feeling you get growing up in an extremely rural town full of losers--were not the parts anyone cared about. I mean, everyone liked the movie BECAUSE of those parts, I'm not saying normal people didn't "get" it, it's just that the catchphrases and shirts and 'hangover' from the movie were all totally stupid out of context. It was such a clever movie and it's legacy was people saying "IDIOTS! GOSH!" in a dumb voice. Actually I guess it's legacy was really Nacho Libre. Whoops.
Every time I get settled in the notion that Gabe is most likely heterosexual, you guys have to go and post another Gabe and Max video. I can't tell where the meta jokes start and the normal jokes end. It's as hard to decipher as a body hair pattern under a white mesh shirt.
I can't endorse anyone actually wearing that shirt, but it's a really clever way to make an annoying shirt out of that movie. An intern at an annoying shirt factory should've gotten a raise for pitching that shirt. But they shouldn't have actually made and sold it.
What's with all these movies being all casual about their supernatural premises all of the sudden? Like Ghost Town and The Lake House. It's weird.
Anyway.
I will be seeing this because Eric Bana is hot. Also I was like "Whatever" until they explain that he can't control the time travel, which is cool. ALSO, this is basically the frame story of Slaughter House 5? Also, it kind of seems like it'd be about how time travel is kind of a violation of free will on the part of the people that the travelees interact with (because the traveler can shape your past, which manipulates your present!) but I doubt it actually will be.
We had to watch Roger and Me in my sociology class and it was the most unpleasant experience I have ever seen. Completely disregarding Michael Moore's opinions (which I guess I agree with, whatever) he's pretty much the douchiest documentarian ever. He (obviously) lies to people to get them to appear on camera, and then if they say something he disagrees with, he'll edit it to try to make them look stupid, even though sometimes their arguments are totally valid and he should really be presenting a counter argument, not editing in sarcastic cut-aways to lint rollers! I hate him.
I don't think she's at school, I think that's a zoologist's office? I think that's what the maps and cages are for. Also if you watch her other videos they always end with someone entering the room being like "I moved your car--" and then she turns the camera off. There's also one where she's kind of dirty talking to the monkey about how small it is and how dependent on her it is or something, it's creepy. They all feel like xtube videos.
Also, it's not even a baby marmoset, it's a full grown marmoset! They're the smallest monkey's on earth. THIS is a baby marmoset:
--Professor Marmosets
You know how Luigi's superpower* is to invert the universe around him? Norm gets to do that too. Unfunny jokes are funny! Up is down! Offensive is charming!
* I know I'm the only one here who knows what Luigi's superpower is.
DAN: Means well but has bad aim and accidentally kicks a soccer ball at a kid's head because he hates kids (even though he was trying to help him because he clearly likes kids?) CHARLIE: Is single and sometimes flirts with women. VICKIE: Recently returned from vacation.
They are FATHERS all of the sudden, WHAT!? Unlike other fathers who deal with their children as babies first, they have to deal with elementary school kids who they didn't even KNOW as babies, WHOOPS! Wacky!
Here's a song that was popular in 2006, and a Gilmore Girls reference that doesn't even make sense because Loralie Gilmore could totally take a hit like that. Also, that show was cancelled in 2007, and was never really a pop culture phenomenon that you can just reference like that, and that joke is really just saying the title for no reason and it makes no sense at all? And you could also just have been like "Take that, Little Women" or "Take that, Pepper Anne"? And it's also a vaguely sexist and anti-intellectual joke because it's really just saying "Remember that show that other people watched but not us because it was about girls and probably feelings or something? Haha."
Also, then some kids mix up an over-the-hill man's medication (which we can all identify with!) and then it makes him have even WORSE aim, even though his bad aim was already established earlier in this trailer, so he probably would've thrown his keys into that glass key thing anyway. And then here's an asian who looks like an alien, because don't asians look like aliens? THEN because of the old man's bad aim, he hits a man in the nuts with a golf ball (which is different from the same joke that the trailer opened with because that time the ball hit a KID in the HEAD with a SOCCER ball). Which realizes all of our worse fears of being embarrassed in front of our country club golfing buddies!
And THEN, for some reason, which apparently has nothing to do with anything else we've seen in the trailer so far, they break into a zoo!
Did he drive to someone else's house to use porn, and then finally decide to drive home to his own house to be with his daughter? It's like they wanted the imagery of him driving home and her waking up and seeing him, but they ALSO wanted porn to be one of the things he did first. Continuity!
Are we supposed to be on her side? Standing up in the court room and yelling something from the audience is so obnoxious and faux-heroic. They have to start all over with a new jury now! It's like the naked wizard standing up to 'the system.' You're wasting everyone's time!
I bet this whole movie is her stumbling through fictional red tape thats entirely dependent on everyone else being mean to her, like how all the adults are mean and disapproving in movies starring children. There is paper work to file when you get raped! And if it's a government employee, then go to the news paper or something. Pretty much all conspiracy stories could be resolved with 'take it to the news paper or something.'
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