I always "accidentally" unplug my headphones while listening to "This American Life." Just like I always "accidentally" start talking about fixed-gear bikes and new music whenever walking by a hot babe in skinny jeans.
I'm not proud of the story I'm about to tell...
For Christmas, my sister gave me a copy of The Game: A Guide to Being the Worst because we always talked about it and how terrible it is but I'd never read it and she's like haha funny ironic Christmas gift.
Now, I'm okay at meeting women. I have a nice-guy awkward charm kinda thing. Also I have a beard and wear shirts with puppies on them. But my flirting style is much different than what they tell you to do in that garbage pile of a book. Mainly because I'm not a garbage pile of a person.
Anyway, a few weeks ago I was at a bar and flirting with this girl and she was really bizarre so I decided to try a few techniques the book recommends and, ugh, it totally worked.
Ugh.
In the dorms at my college (yup, COLLEGE) there was a bird that would hang out outside the dining hall and attack (read: fly at and nip) people as they tried to enter.
Also, one summer I went backpacking in Europe (yup, I'm white and middle-class) and on my first night in Paris a bird shit on my head. In Paris, even the birds are assholes.
On a final note, I live in San Francisco so, even if I were chosen (which DUH I'M GOING TO BE YOU GUYS WERE AT THE EDGE OF YOUR SEATS!), I couldn't attend. I just thought it'd be nice to share my bird stories and have you guys be all "that's so raven!" (ugh.)
BAY AREA REPRESENT! I plan to go to Serra Bowl in Daly City with my laptop, fire up ol' videogum, get a lane to myself and have THE BEST NIGHT OF MY FUCKING LIFE!
I was so dumbfounded by this dialogue that I looked into it, and it seems like Big Mike DID take a psychological test that gave him these results. HOWEVER, the movie frames it as though this result came from the same test that tested his math and reading skills and that EVERYBODY takes a test that gives you your "protective instinct" score. Which = nope.
It seemed pretty clear to me that they were referencing a section on the test. Probably the one where they throw baseballs at children and you have to block them.
Actual dialogue from The Blind Side:
Teacher: Big Mike's test scores are so low. Third percentile in math, fourth percentile in reading. But in one area, his scores are through the roof. He scored in the 98th percentile for protective instincts!
WHAT?! WHERE DID HE TAKE THIS PROTECTIVE INSTINCTS TEST?!
"I make really great decisions... Look at me, making great decisions... I continue to make incredibly well thought out and great decisions... No regrets here, only great decisions."
BEST PICTURE
- The Hurt Locker
ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE
- Jeff Bridges, Crazy Heart
ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE
- Sandra Bullock, The Blind Side
ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
- Christoph Waltz, Inglourious Basterds
ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
- Mo’Nique, Precoius: Based On The Novel ‘Push’ By Sapphire
DIRECTOR
- Kathryn Bigelow, The Hurt Locker
SCREENPLAY (ORIGINAL)
- The Hurt Locker, Mark Boal
SCREENPLAY (ADAPTED)
- Up In The Air, Jason Reitman & Sheldon Turner
ANIMATED FEATURE FILM
- Up
MUSIC (ORIGINAL SONG)
- “Down IN New Orleans,” Randy Newman for The Princess & The Frog
MUSIC (ORIGINAL SCORE)
- Avatar, James Horner
ART DIRECTION
-Avatar, Art Direction: Rick Carter and Robert Stromberg, Set Decoration: Kim Sinclair
CINEMATOGRAPHY
-Avatar, Mauro Fiore
COSTUME DESIGN
-Coco before Chanel, Catherine Leterrier
DOCUMENTARY (FEATURE)
-The Cove, Nominees to be determined
DOCUMENTARY (SHORT SUBJECT)
-The Last Campaign of Governor Booth Gardner, Daniel Junge and Henry Ansbacher
EDITING
-The Hurt Locker, Bob Murawski and Chris Innis
FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
-The White Ribbon (Germany)
MAKEUP
-Star Trek, Barney Burman, Mindy Hall and Joel Harlow
ANIMATED (SHORT)
-Granny O’Grimm’s Sleeping Beauty, Nicky Phelan and Darragh O’Connell
LIVE ACTION SHORT
-Miracle Fish, Luke Doolan and Drew Bailey
SOUND EDITING
-Avatar, Christopher Boyes and Gwendolyn Yates Whittle
SOUND MIXING
-Avatar, Christopher Boyes, Gary Summers, Andy Nelson and Tony Johnson
VISUAL EFFECTS
-Avatar, Joe Letteri, Stephen Rosenbaum, Richard Baneham and Andrew R. Jones
I definitely won. I'm an expert.
I just recently watched two movies by the Duplass brothers: Baghead and The Puffy Chair. Both are fun little indie films (Baghead a horror comedy and The Puffy Chair a road-trip romance) that are definitely worth checking out.
As of February, Weezy will most likely be spending the next year in prison for gun charges. And if there's anything The Wire taught me, it's that people die ALL THE TIME in prison.
Gabe, On behalf of theatre professionals and theatre-goers everywhere, I think you're going to the wrong plays. A lot of stuff is really great and culturally relevant! Sincerely, An Asshole with a Performing Arts Degree
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