Comments

A minute too late...you bested me.
He probably stumbled across this idea after it dawned on him that his own marriage was being trumped by the tender hearts vying for legal gay marriage. “Those damn gays, trying to be legally tender,” he thought.
I'd eat that in the blink of an eye.
That’s good and well, but I’m not sure I’d feel safe entering a building filled with cats after sundown unless aided by Bob Barker or Sarah McLachlan, for different but obvious reasons. If they're all tired kittens, though, I'll take my chances.
Your friend probably wouldn't have flushed her baby down the prom-toilet. Cruel world, why do such specific lavatories exist?!?
"You know there was a time where I'd help you raise this little dumpster baby brother of mine like a son. But that's gone now 'cause you ruined it. You threw your babies away. And you threw your swords away. You threw your golf clubs and your tasty treats! And ya know what? I found 'em. And I'm gonna raise all of them!"
This was also his response when asked if he does his cooking by the book. #twoyearoldreference
Also, Archer was great. "...before the cops show up, or...what do you have in Switzerland? Pikemen?"
I want somebody to respond to this with the hug between Andy and Ron. I'm unable...work and such...
"Give it up for Scott Bakula from Quantum Leap." I don't doubt that last night's Parks and Rec will be one of my top five picks for the entire run of the show.
But let's hope it's nothing like this. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6lD_hDSWUk
I just found crackers in my desk! They're labeled, "For Soups & Salads." I'll eat them while thinking about your soup.
“It’s unfortunate Mr. Morgan showed a lack of judgment on our air with his inappropriate comments,” I think you meant to say "It's unfortunate we showed a lack of judgment by not expecting this when we gave Tracy Morgan a mic."
Legally? I think a week after the original airing. My spam-botiness just faltered and died.
"Being in a Kidz Bop video is something I dreamed about my whole life." - Every one of those kids
I sound like one of those spam-bots that try to incorporate the article just to seem relevant. “HAHA! That article was hilarious. You know what else is funny? How me and my boyfriend/girlfriend met online. Check it out at www.loveisamarketablecommodity.com/loosebitches/"
Unrelated, but Archer comes back tonight! Amanda Bynes would want you to tell everyone!!!!! Stephen Colbert's high school self would probably watch it alone. Or at least his Strangers With Candy self would.
Evidently, spelin becums an aphterthough in the hast to voice my thawts. I blame caffeine.
Taking cues from Brad and Tom, but the joke is on...us? No, that's not right. On himself.
And she's so excited! She's so EXCITED!!!! Caffein's a helluva drug, kids.
Señor Chang did it right too! A handful of hope for the rest of us wrongdoers.
"I'm bored with life. See ya." - Amanda Bynes' suicide note "I'm back!!!!" - Amanda Bynes reemergence as a zombie actress, still only in B movies
I pictured somebody furiously brewing tea, and it's hilarious.
The Life Caloric with Stove Zissou
For women, right? Because that one child's spewing is a reminder to them that if they aren't currently doing the same, then they probably ought to buy some for their night-stand. Children are a nightmare when trying to throw a frisbee on the beach. Nobody wants that responsibility when trying to be so carefree.
"This is a dream that I've had...since lunch...and I'm not giving it up now."