"And then, on its way down the mountain, that water drop picks up other water drops. And they become unstoppable. They're a force of nature. They're a river, Phoenix.
"...Oh, shit, I'm so sorry, Joaquin. Oh my God. I'm so inconsiderate. River Phoenix. Oh, shit, please, you get to punch me once, anywhere you want."
"Big E and Grandaddy K, y'all, showin' our heads move while we read lyrics from a billboard or somethin' of equivalent size. We look like we skeet shootin'! PULL!"
I would say peeing your pants with joy over the likes of Stewart and Colbert is nothing like peeing your pants over the likes of a talentless celebrodumb. They're two of the greatest comedy-doers on television, so it's legitimately exciting to see them burst into an auditorium, especially if one is wearing a matador suit, cause you know this is gonna be good. You are obsessed the right way, briadru4.
AND ANOTHER THING! The writers went out of their way to call us stupid in this episode. Janney's all "Each of these questions will only lead to more questions." Yeah, sure, lady, unless you just ANSWER THEM. Being vague is not an answer.
"Hey, Burdette, where are you from?"
"I'm from America."
"But where in America?"
"The North."
"Which part of the North?"
"Each of these questions will only lead to more questions! Because I am so, so difficult!"
What I get from this episode is, since Janney never explained any damn thing to Jacob before getting stabbed, Jacob doesn't know anything about the island, either. SO MUCH FOR ANSWERS. Unless, of course, the next episode is about the time Jacob was rooting through Janney's sock drawer and stumbled upon a book made out of leaves with the phrase "SEECRET NAWLIDGE" scrawled on it.
Just a really great job blurring out the Eddie Bauer sign, this video's editor. I didn't know even know it was an Eddie Bauer sign until I read Eddie's blog in which he talks about how he doesn't want to be associated with moms.
"The film will feature Magic 8-Ball going up against his arch nemesis, Science 8-Ball." - Eddie Murphy in an interview where he reveals he's playing both 8-balls
Kick-Ass (the comic, at least) comes VERY close to being subversive, since its take on realistic superheroes is just about the most realistic I've ever read. Kick-Ass SUCKS. He can't do anything right, and is constantly beaten to a pulp. That's pretty much what would happen if someone decided they were a superhero.
The problem lies in how it eventually gets to a point where he redeems himself. He fights back and actually does some damage. This, to me, is where it misses an opportunity. Who would want to read a story about a superhero that literally loses every battle because he's a naive idiot? Me. I would. But that's not what I got.
Also, once Big Daddy and Hit Girl arrive, two people who are very good at being real-life superheroes, it misses its mark again. The comic and the movie are both very fun, but hardly satirical or subversive or any other words that mean about the same thing.
NERD COMPARISON: There were several differences between the film and the comic, because this is Hollywood. I was perfectly fine with all of them but one. THE SPOILERS ARE COMING. In that this was an attempt at subverting superhero stories, Big Daddy's character in the comic worked so much better than his Nicholas Cage counterpart (no shit, right?). In the comic, Big Daddy says he's an ex-cop, but it turns out he's just a super nerd who sold all of his X-Men #1s to fund this crazy killing spree. His wife wasn't dead, and he basically kidnapped his daughter and forced her into this life because he wanted to fulfill his nerd fantasies. I personally like that more than "grizzled ex-cop doesn't get mad, he gets even (madder)."
My name is Burdette and I'm here to say
I signed your petition in very big way.
This here is poetry, not fake rap
Cause I know my flow-etry is half-baked crap.
INSIDE SCOOP: The picture without the mustache was taken seconds later after Charlie Sheen received a phone call. "Oh dear, my agent!" Charlie Sheen said aloud. "I must remove this felt from my face, or he will not know that it is I, Charlie Sheen!"
He double-clicked "Send" on the phone because he thought it was Windows.
"Charlie Sheen residence," he said.
"Hi Charlie Sheen, this is your agent, Martin Tumblarity, and boy do I have a job for you."
"How did you know it was me?!" Charlie Sheen screamed, vomiting money.
What job, you ask?! Well, that is a story for another day.
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