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THE FORKED TONGUE
My go-to drink on a cool night.
1-2 oz SnakeJuice
6 oz hot cocoa
1 tablespoon whipped cream
Add SnakeJuice to hot cocoa, stir well, and top with whipped cream. The hot cocoa will soon warm you up, and the SnakeJuice will soon impair your speech to a level that people will think you have a forked tongue.
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HISS CREAM SODA
Ladies - are you tired of the same old boring "lady drinks" you're always ordering? Try this super-sweet concoction, guaranteed to bring a smile to your face and power to your dance moves. (Also guaranteed to make you need a designated driver, so plan accordingly.)
2 oz SnakeJuice
1.5 oz whipping cream
4 oz soda water
3 maraschino cherries
Shake SnakeJuice and whipping cream vigorously; pour over ice. Add soda water, garnish with cherries, and begin drinking. The next time you look at your watch, it will be three hours later.
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SLITHERY RUSSIAN
This tastes like if a hot Russian spy and a badass snake got it on... in a world where fictional woman-on-snake hookups were pleasing, and could somehow be served over ice.
1 oz SnakeJuice
1 oz vodka
1 oz cream
Splash of Sweetums High-Fructose Corn Syrup
1/4 cup of ice
Combine ingredients and shake well. Sip slowly and slither over to your prey.
Beckham intentionally rear ended the vehicle when he heard that the driver had recently won the distinction of 'best-looking man in L.A.'
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There can only be one!
In fairness to the crowd, they had all just finished an 8 minute long chant of 'Kill the Voices in my Head', started by the homeless man masturbating into a sock puppet in the corner.
I bet she just saw Monty Python & The Holy Grail. 10th grade drama kids tend to speak in terrible British accents for about a month afterwards. 10 bucks says she's spotted at a renaissance festival later this month.
I honored the departing of Soft Gabe by completely removing Glee from my DVR lineup. I honored him with a song & dance number to the tune of Boys II Men's rendition of 'Yesterday'.
The advantage of Lindsay Lohan in comic book form is that you get to experience all the crazy, but if you plow through it in an afternoon you won't end up needing a prescription for Valtrex.
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In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the limited edition scarface DVD.
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