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  • The 55th Annual Grammy Awards
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Has it really only been a year since Adele swept the 2012 Grammys? Well, she didn’t win Best New Artist, of course, because she wasn’t eligible for that one. That particular trophy was awarded to “new artist” Justin Vernon, aka Bon Iver, whose debut album, For Emma Forever Ago, came out the same year as Adele’s debut album, 19: in 2008! Ah, ragging on the 2012 Grammys — how we’ll miss thee! But no longer. Because tonight — and for the next year — we’ll be ragging on the 2013 Grammys! And that’s why we’re here, people, at this impromptu Comment Party, to which you are very much invited.

Who will be this year’s Adele? Well, you’ll hear the names Black Keys, Frank Ocean, fun., Gotye, and of course ol’ man Mumford and his boys, called out a bunch of times. Some that have already won (but won’t be televised) include: Gotye for Best Alternative Album, beating out our best album of 2012 (Fiona Apple’s The Idler Wheel …); Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross for Best Score Soundtrack; Björk for Best Recording Package; Jay-Z and Kanye West for Best Rap Performance and Best Rap Song; Drake for Best Rap Album; Black Keys for Best Rock Album and Best Rock Song; and Miguel for Best R&B Song. (Um … so what exactly will be televised?)

So, without further ado … let’s party! Before we begin, though, some dress code notes, courtesy of CBS. Ahem:

CBS Program Practices advises that all talent appearing on camera please adhere to Network policy concerning wardrobe.

Please be sure that buttocks and female breasts are adequately covered. Thong type costumes are problematic. Please avoid exposing bare fleshy under curves of the buttocks and buttock crack. Bare sides or under curvature of the breasts is also problematic. Please avoid sheer see-through clothing that could possibly expose female breast nipples. Please be sure the genital region is adequately covered so that there is no visible “puffy” bare skin exposure. Please avoid commercial identification of actual brand name products on T-shirts. Foreign language on wardrobe will need to be cleared. OBSCENITY OR PARTIALLY SEEN OBSCENITY ON WARDROBE IS UNACCEPTABLE FOR BROADCAST. This as well, pertains to audience members that appear on camera. Finally, The Network requests that any organized cause visibly spelled out on talent’s wardrobe be avoided. This would include lapel pins or any other form of accessory.

I repeat: “Please be sure the genital region is adequately covered so that there is no visible ’puffy’ bare skin exposure.” We straight? Cool. So let’s do this! Team Stereogum will see you in the comments, drinks in hand, properly attired. As always.

Comments (279)
  1. The Huffington Post is going to have some great sideboob material tonight.

  2. A COP

    ON THE EDGE

    CBS

  3. Third award: 8:51 p.m. EST. Song of the Year. Carly Rae WUZ ROBBED.

  4. A steaming pile of corporate crap. It’s hard to watch, even without sound. There’s usually about one decent act to make you foolish enough to watch it.

  5. So Halestorm wins Hard Rock/Metal. They are horrible. No love for Iron Maiden, Megadeth or Anthrax, all of whom have actually contributed something to the genre. Drake wins for Rap. He’s a joke, a pop star, absolutely no connection with real hip-hop. Gotye for Alternative. Seriously? Hey, I like that one song too, it’s great, but there is nothing “alternative” about the guy! Skrillex for techno/electronica. Wow. I mean, just wow.

    So yea, the Grammy’s are a waste. At least Frank Ocean will win some awards…

  6. Carly Rae is getting straight up robbed right now. FUN.?! No fun at all.

  7. WHOA LENA DUNHAM IS DATING THE LEAD SINGER OF FUN. ???!!!!

    A MILLION DOWNVOTES LENA DUNHAM!!!!!!!!!!!

  8. “We’ve been doing this for twelve years” and somehow they’re nominated for best best new artist.

  9. Tom just threw some panties onstage.

  10. mumford sound tired of playing this song.

  11. Say what you will about Mumford & Sons, but they have the ability to play instruments.

  12. OMG you know what, Mumford & Sons are pretty awesome….haha jk, they still blow.

  13. I almost mistook Mumford and Sons for dubstep there for a second. I get it now, Tom.

  14. The only way to stop a bad guy with Chris Brown is a good guy with Chris Brown.

  15. I took a shit during Mumford, which I felt was proper use of time.

    • Man I think I can definitely say Pitchfork write the worst music reviews I have ever read. Most of the negative reviews stray soooooo far away from the musical content of an album. They really try to disguise so much shit as context and I understand why some of these things would make you hold things against certain artists, but it’s so ridiculous to include in an album review. Music reviews are so subjective, but I can accept any review I don’t agree that only focuses on music, but half the time it’s hard to tell even they even ever listened to the album or if the just combined knowledge gathered from internet/music business hype, wikipedia, and band names and appearances.

      • I don’t like their reviews either, but I think they stay away from the musical content because this is 2013 and the album is almost definitely streaming somewhere on the internet. If you want to know what it sounds like you can just go and listen to it.

        • But we call it an album review instead some catchy article title like “These are the non-musical reasons I think a band’s like so not cool”

  16. Jeez Ellen, it’s Justin Timberlake not the Beatles.

  17. I am taking back what I said about “Little Pusher Love Girl” last week. This is amazing.

  18. Bruno Mars wasn’t available to perform this year so they had Justin Timberlake make a new album.

  19. So its okay when Justin does it, but not Bruno?

  20. Looks like the Grammys decided to Instagram Justin Timberlake’s performance.

  21. Frank just won the parking lot fight.

  22. Nice to see someone beating Chris Brown.

  23. Not Chris Brown won, Hurray!

  24. Fourth award (unless I missed one): 9:13 p.m. EST. Frank O!

  25. It’s weird to think that now Tyler the Creator is riding off Frank Ocean’s coattails and not the other way around. Big change from two years ago.

  26. Chris Brown didn’t even stand up to applaud.

  27. Oh, it’s already time for the Adele Awards?

  28. Tyler the creator is starting to annoy anyone else?

  29. so this may be kind of divisive, but do you guys still like the black keys? i really didnt like el camino, and i think they’ve kind of gotten sucky…. real talk

    • It’s kind of hard answering that question while Maroon 5 is performing

    • Two in a row for Stereogum approved artists/bands

    • Who else would you rather be the big mainstream rock band?

    • I don’t think their music has gotten significantly worse. I think it’s more likely that you a)feel over-saturated by their sound, b) grown a distaste for the members themselves after being exposed to how they come off in interviews and in other ways in the media, or c) the ever-popular they are much more popular now and I am a stereogum commenter so therefore I should think they are worse. They definitely have a slightly different sound then some of their earlier songs, but lonely boy isn;t a far cry at all from strange times and so on and so on.

    • My answer to that is the cliched: I like their older stuff a lot more than their newer stuff.

      I was a HUGE Black Keys fan until Attack & Release, at which point I thought they abandoned a lot of their “bluesiness” in favour of a way more poppier sound.

      • I don’t think he’s really a huge change though. The earlier stuff was more raw, but really only slightly to me and yes the changes they made made their songs more possible to be commercially successful, but making their songs more focused and distinguishable from each other didn’t really give me the sell-out vibe. Thickfreakness and other early stuff is super fun, but I rather them have made the albums they’ve made since then then them have made 5 more Thickfreaknesses(hard to pluralize) which really seemed like a possible to me when I was getting into them. This stuff’s fun but I could see them always sounding the same and thankfully they havent even if some of the new stuff has lost the heaviness in turn from some more diversity.

        • Feels like they have dumbed down their sound and upped the “pop” factor to achieve lowest common denominator acceptance. Selling out is what some people call it.

  30. I don’t think anyone here has a problem with the Black Keys beating Mumford and Sons.

  31. Mehroon 5

  32. Flo deserves this

  33. And Lena Dunham is here?

  34. I was a big The Format fan so I’m secretly excited for fun…….

  35. I think the Grammys want me to talk about them on social media.

  36. LL Cool J has a Tourettic obsession with the word hashtag.

  37. also, the celtics won in triple overtime!

  38. That Rihanna thing wasn’t bad.

  39. “No Church in the Wild” is such a fantastic song, much deserved win.

  40. I do very much enjoy seeing frank ocean on this stage

  41. let it never be said that kelly clarkson can’t sing

  42. I was confused for a bit when I heard the Black Keys and it wasn’t in a commercial.

  43. Bruno Mars ripping off someone else’s sound in 3…2…1…

  44. The Grammys is doing a fine job of reminding me why I would never watch CBS on any other occasion except this one.

  45. whoissting.tumblr.com

  46. Sting can still do Sting things, gotta give him that. Is it too much to ask for a Stewart and Andy cameo?

  47. They seriously just zoomed in on Chris Brown when Rihanna started singing?

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