ALL OF THE JENNIFERS ARE GETTING HAIRCUTS!
What the fuck is going on?! We turn our backs for two seconds, minding our own god damn business for once in our lives, and Jennifer Aniston goes and gets a Brazilian blowout to which her hair badly reacts and then she CUTS IT OFF TO ABOVE HER SHOULDERS?!!???? UHHHHHH, what?! Then we turn our back for two more seconds, mostly to look at Jennifer Aniston’s haircut, and Jennifer Lawrence cuts HER hair?! To a short length? WHEN IT USED TO BE KIND OF LONG?! AND THEN IS ON A PLANE WITH IT, LIKE IT’S NO BIG DEAL?! What’s next, Jennifer Love Hewitt?! Is Jennifer Love Hewitt going to get some sort of haircut next?! Then what? Jennifer Lopez?! Oh that would be just like Jennifer Lopez to get a haircut! And then you know Jennifer Hudson is going to march right into some salon and ask for them to cut her hair too! And then I bet Jennifer Gray will just be like, “Oh, I think I need a haircut.” Jesus christ. And then what?! Jennifer Garner?!?!?! OOOOH WHEN WILL MS. JENNIFER GARNER SHOW HER NEW HAIRCUT, DO YOU THINK? And then look at that, look who’s going to be strolling down the street with some shorter hair than she had before, I bet — oh, it’s just JENNIFER TILLY. RUINING OUR LIVES. Oh, and who’s that behind her? Leaving the haircutters? Hmmm…looks like, oh that’s right, looks like Jennifer Connolly sporting a shorter ‘do than she used to have! GOD DAMNIT, JENNIFERS! WE’RE WATCHING YOU, JENNIFER JASON LEIGH! (Thanks for the tips, Scott and Jenny!)