The Internet Is A Sociopath

By Gabe Delahaye / May 7, 2013

Just this past weekend, as a matter of fact, I was talking to someone about Los Angeles and they said the city made them uncomfortable because whenever they came to visit and drove down the city’s endless streets of ramshackle air conditioning repair shops and Dutch furniture refurbishers, they couldn’t help but imagine all of the secret nightmare sex dungeons hidden in every basement. To which I replied that there are secret nightmare sex dungeons hidden in every basement in ALL of the cities, not just Los Angeles. We were joking around, but it is also true, and it is a fucking nightmare. Which makes today’s news about the horrific ordeal surrounding Amanda Berry and two other women who have been discovered in a Cleveland, Ohio home after being missing and considered dead for more than 10 years, and were rescued by a neighbor, all the more disturbing. This is one of those stories that is just so traumatizing and awful, not just because of the insanely upsetting details, but because of the suggestion hidden in its details that there are hundreds more stories like it that just don’t get told because the rescue never comes. GUHHHHH, I CANNOT EVEN HANDLE IT.

Naturally, with a story like this, the Internet is all over it. You’ve got everything you need for a great blog: scary details, a car crash rubberneck ambiance, not to mention an Antoine Dodson-caliber local news interview with Charles Ramsey, the hero neighbor who rescued the girls. OK! Sure! But considering the genuinely painful and distressing nature of the story we are dealing with, DO WE REALLY NEED AN AUTO-TUNED REMIX OF CHARLES RAMSEY’S INTERVIEW? We do? More than one even?

Good lord, Internet. What is your deal, even?! Do you ever even stop for two seconds to think about what you are doing, like for example that even if the fundamental idea is that you appreciate what Charles Ramsey has done and consider him to be an exceptional human being, that maybe considering the circumstances an auto-tune remix of his interview doesn’t even really make sense much less provide any kind of meaningful tribute and is kind of weird and gross and off-base, or is it just pedal to the metal 100% of the time JK that was a rhetorical question to which I already know the answer. GOD SPEED, YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT. (Via EntertainmentWeekly.)