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Even More Ten Bets You Will Always Win!

Kelly Conaboy | February 11, 2013 - 12:45 pm

1. Bet that you won’t enjoy a televised awards show. “But didn’t you like the part where Justin Timberlake sang his new song and it was sepia toned?” Nope. “But didn’t you like the Frank Ocean part?” Nope.
2. Bet that you can be the last one to leave at whatever party you’re attending, armed with even more “bets” you learned from the internet.
3. Bet that you can keep performing these bets even when no one is looking, but also bet that you can definitely try to hold eye contact the longest!
4. Bet that Doug Hutchinson is never going to wear a suit, even if he’s going to his child bride’s music video premiere, and it’s just like, jesus christ, what are you trying to prove here? Just put on a suit, you gross weirdo!
5. Bet that one of your friends can’t tear the dollar you hand them. Fold it up so it’s difficult to tear, but not impossible. And if they tear it just be like, “Oh, c’mon man, why can’t you just be fun? We’re all just trying to have fun here.” And they’ll be so embarrassed.

6. Bet that you can pick up someone’s girlfriend. They’ll probably say, “Uhh, I don’t think so,” and then you can say, “You don’t think I can pick her up?” And then they’ll say, “No, I mean, I just don’t think that’s a good idea.” And you can say, “Why? Because you know I can do it?”
7. Bet that you can get someone’s dog to love you more than it loves the owner.
8. Bet that Jennifer Love Hewitt is just going to keep working, even when you think she’s not going to be able to.
9. Bet that someone’s going to complain if you put on Macklemore.
10. Bet that everyone in the room can’t sit and patiently watch you win all these bets, because you learned them all and you wouldn’t have wasted your time if you knew that everyone was just going to be such a jerk about not wanting to watch you do them, and you just figured that it would be fun, and it’s fine, it’s just you wish you hadn’t wasted your time and you wish that people would give you the same attention that you always give them and their stuff.

(Via LaughingSquid.)