The Perfect Crime: Saggy Pants

By Gabe Delahaye / January 23, 2013

OK, team, let’s bring it in. I know some of you have expressed concerns about this job, but let me answer all of your questions right now: if you don’t think you’re up for it, there’s the door. Above all, this business requires confidence, and the last thing we need is a sissy coward bringing down the rest of us hardened criminals. Take a second, decide what kind of man you are. OK, good, I never liked Mr. Blue anyway. Now here is the score: we are going to sag our pants, and we’re going to get away with it. Synchronise your watches. Perfect. Everyone knows the routines, you’ve memorized your back stories and your exit strategies. We’re working on a buddy system, guys. I know a lot of you work alone, and that’s fine, again, there is the door. If you’re on this crew, you have a friend and you hold his hand. Now, pull your pants down a little bit and cinch your belt tight so that your pants really hug your thighs. Phew, I am glad to see that everyone wore underwear today, this is going to be even easier than I had thought. OK, bring it in. On the count of three let’s all do a cheer. “Crime!” on three, you got it? Here we go, fellas. This is it! One last score and then we all go our separate ways and retire on the beach. One, two, three, CRIME!

Dear Snopes, can you really GO TO PRISON FOR THREE YEARS just for wearing your pants a little bit too low on your bottom? Thank you, as always, for telling us the truth, Snopes. (Via HyperVocal.)