How To Eat An Ear Of Corn In 10 Seconds

Kelly Conaboy | November 29, 2012 - 11:00 am

1. Either drive or walk to the nearest grocery store.
2. When entering the grocery store hesitate for a moment — should you get a big shopping cart or just one of the little ones that you carry? Well, that depends. How much food are you going to buy? Go over your shopping list. Try to imagine each of the items fitting into one of the small shopping carts. Are they spilling out? If so, go for the, wheeled larger cart.
3. Familiarize yourself with the layout of the grocery store. Have you been here before? If so, you might already have a route in mind. That’s great! If not, start at the produce aisle and make your way, snaking through each of the aisles that hold something you want (you might want to skip the pet food aisle if you don’t have a pet, for example) to the frozen food section.
4. While at the produce aisle find corn. If you can’t find corn, think: Is it not corn season? Does it have to be “corn season” to find corn? I swear to god they always have corn here when I don’t fucking want it, and now that I do want it I can’t fucking find it? Seriously?
5. Oops, find the corn.
6. Pay for your groceries using the self-checkout, to prove that you can.
7. Take your corn home and prepare it for eating. You may want to boil it for however long it takes to boil corn (10 mins – 1 hour?) or, if possible, you may throw it onto a grill. Either way is acceptable.

8. Eat the ear of corn in 10 seconds.

Fun fun fuuun! (Via Neatorama.)