Stay Safe Out There, You Joggers In Horses Masks

Health is important, and there’s no better way to stay healthy than with a regular routine of cardio-vascular exercise (especially when you are living on a diet of canned tuna and cheese crackers!). But please, if you do go outside wearing nothing but your running shorts and a rubber horse mask, please stay safe. The news crew might give you the kind of attention that helps keep your heart rate up while you wait for the light change, but they aren’t going to do shit for you when some rusted metal awning is ripped from its holdings and Final Destinations your head. Ahhhh! Look out! Run faster! Knees high! Breathe! Now you are looking and feeling good. BREAKING: I have just been informed that Edible Arrangements in Park Slope is still open. (Via LaughingSquid.)