Donald Trump’s October Surprise Is Here

By Gabe Delahaye / October 24, 2012

Wait. That’s it? The big announcement Donald Trump has been threatening all week is just that he’s a miserable racist? I’m pretty sure we already knew that! This is some bullshit. I was hoping for fireworks. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I know that one of the most pressing issues on American voters’ minds this election season is DID OBAMA EVEN GO TO COLLEGE?! And also DOES HE HAVE A PASSPORT?! This is the worst. I know that it’s not surprising that Donald Trump is the worst because he’s been the worst for a long time but that doesn’t make this any less the worst. Our previous president lied about his military service and fabricated intelligence to begin an unjustified war (also his wife once KILLED A DUDE) but we are piddling around asking about a birth certificate and a college transcript? Yikes. Yikes, Trump. Even for you: big yikes. Also what is that tone of voice? That tone of voice is disgusting. Don’t use that tone of voice around me. Fuck you with that tone of voice. I’m a human being you asshole! I deserve as a basic human right to never have to hear anyone ever use that horrible tone of voice. Who do you think you are? Besides the punchline to a million jokes since the 1980s and the flailing host of an unbearable reality television show? This is some racist ass shit. INNER CITY CHILDREN IN CHICAGO? Our President probably WOULD like that, wouldn’t he? To help out his fellow Kenyans. Ugh. This video! Oh well, that’s a wrap. Enjoy the White House, President Romney, or as I like to call you, Mr. Transparency.