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That’s Your Boyfriend: “The Illusion”

By Gabe Delahaye / October 16, 2012 - 3:30 pm

“I’ve dated a lot of guys in my day, I mean, OK, that came out weird, I just mean that I’m not some teenager going all googly eyed over my first crush. I’ve had some experience in that arena is all. Sheesh, you really can’t say anything these days without someone giving you a hard time about it. Anyways! I’ve learned in my travels through the universe on Spaceship Earth that all you really need to be happy is someone who genuinely loves you for who you are and can cut through all the noise that our society tries to deafen and blind you with. Right? So, like, if you had asked me 10 years ago, do you think you will ever date a 45-year-old man who calls himself “The Illusion,” has a thick almost parodic surfer accent, who insists on foolishly cutting his own hair with a pair of scissors and makes how-to vlogs for the Internet demonstrating his bowl cut technique in which he says things like “bowl cuts can’t be bought, man,” I would have said, well, no, that doesn’t automatically sound like something that I’m interested in. But here we are, and me and the Illusion are in love, and we date and have sex. He is my man, man.”

-You

In dating, as in life, as in bowl cuts, imperfection is the secret of perfection, man.