Oh To Be A Fly On The Wall During This Conversation

By Gabe Delahaye / September 17, 2012

Can you imagine? Just imagine. These two nincompoops in, like, a cigar bar, talking about politics? Gahhh! “I don’t like this champagne, it’s too classy. Do you have any kind of flavored martinis or maybe just a body shot of Jaeger?” The best part about that made up quote is it is not ENTIRELY clear which of them would say it. How is Kim Kardashian undecided in the election? What is the burning issue that neither candidate has successfully addressed to her liking? “We need a President who is going to make sexy work out clothes mandatory at the gym, because I’m tired of people at the gym not looking super sexy, and frankly neither of these politicians has said anything more than empty rhetoric on this important issue.” Did you know that Kim Kardashian runs a charity that helps women…pick out an outfit…for their job interview? That’s a charity! (It doesn’t matter how any of us may or may not know about this, and who watched how many hours of a Keeping Up with the Kardashians marathon on an airplane last night or anything. Don’t get hung up on the details. You’re missing the nightmare forest for the barf trees.) She gets it. She wants to heal America, one pre-owned pantsuit at a time. And that is why she is asking America to consider: “are you wearing a better pre-owned pantsuit to the job interview now than you were to the job interview four years ago?” Meanwhile, Donald Trump is just sitting in the corner, pouting. He knows that he has a lot of very valuable racism that he would like to shout in someone’s face if only given the opportunity. It makes him sick to think of all the voters out there who might make a mistake in the voting booth this November because they haven’t heard his beet-faced racist conspiracy theories. But you do what you can. Life is hard. Please RT. (Thanks for the tip, Fondue Cheddar.)