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A Friendly Chat With Gabe And Kelly: Vertigo, NOT Citizen Kane, Named Best Film In Sight & Sound Poll

By staff / August 2, 2012 - 5:30 pm

Kelly: Hello Gabe
Kelly: How’s it going?
Gabe: hey kelly
Gabe: i’m feeling HOT HOT HOT
Gabe: i’m feeling HOT HOT HOT
Kelly: Uh-oh! Hot stuff over here!
Gabe: inappropriate
Gabe: go to HR and hand in your resignation
Kelly: IT WAS WORTH IT, GOODNIGHT!
Kelly: Can I ask you one question though before I leave
Kelly: please please please please please
Gabe: it depends
Gabe: is it wildly inappropriate?
Kelly: Well if it being wildly inappropriate is a problem I can think of a new question
Kelly: Would that be ok then?
Gabe: SECURITY!
Kelly: NO WAIT
Gabe: escort this woman from the blog
Kelly: ALL I WANT TO KNOW IS
Kelly: WHAT DO YOU THINK IS THE GREATEST FILM EVER MADE?
Gabe: oh, easy
Gabe: Citizen Kane
Gabe: definitely, hands down
Gabe: no bones about it

Kelly: Hah! I can see how you’d think that, and for the last 50 years you would’ve been right, but actually according to this year’s Sight & Sound poll the answer is Vertigo.
Kelly: Sorry! You were very close.
Gabe: that doesn’t sound right
Gabe: what is the Sight and Sound poll?
Kelly: It’s a poll that the London-based film magazine Sight & Sound has published every ten years since 1952 on which movie is the greatest movie of all time
Kelly: Duh
Kelly: I thought you liked movies?
Gabe: i love movies
Gabe: i HATE polls
Kelly: Ooohh that explains it then
Gabe: hard to believe that citizen kane finally got knocked down from its number one spot by that up and comer, VERTIGO
Gabe: our thoughts and prayers are with the ghosts of the friends and relatives of the ghost of Orson Welles on this difficult day
Gabe: everyone who ever even saw Citizen Kane is dead, right?
Kelly: Oh definitely
Gabe: that movie is like The Ring
Gabe: except that everyone who watches it
Gabe: dies within 100 years

Kelly: hahaha
Gabe: what a good poll
Gabe: who is responding to this poll?
Kelly: EVERYBODY!
Kelly: 846 critics and 358 directors
Gabe: this cannot possibly be a real poll
Kelly: including
Kelly: like
Kelly: woody allen
Kelly: and also quentin tarantino
Gabe: haha
Gabe: those two
Gabe: you think they get brunch together?
Gabe: and talk about the oldest movies they can think of?
Gabe: “ooh, good one, Quentin, that movie is very old.”
Gabe: “here is another old movie I will name.”
Kelly: “Aaahh, what is this, brunch? Aaaah brunch, what is brunch?”
Kelly: That’s my Woody Allen impression
Gabe: it’s terrible
Gabe: and somehow anti-semitic i think?
Kelly: Oh puh-leeze
Kelly: But anyway yeah I do think that they go to brunch together and talk about that
Gabe: what is the point of a poll
Gabe: that not a single person could possibly care
Gabe: about the outcome of the poll?
Gabe: THIS. CHANGES. NOTHING!
Kelly: How dare you diminish this moment for Vertigo
Kelly: Vertigo has been standing in the shadow of Citizen Kane since it came in #2 for greatest film in the Sight & Sound poll 10 years ago
Kelly: And today, on its big day, you say NO ONE CARES?
Gabe: ptooey
Gabe: i spit on this poll
Gabe: besides, everyone knows The Avengers in IMAX 3D is the greatest movie of all time

Kelly: It’s weird how that didn’t even make the top 10
Kelly: Clueless isn’t in there either which seems like an oversight
Gabe: what about the Total Recall remake?
Gabe: i know it’s not out yet
Gabe: but
Gabe: i feel like people knew about it when they were responding to the poll
Kelly: Yeah definitely
Gabe: also The Hunger Games
Gabe: is very popular
Gabe: which means it’s great
Kelly: also when 50 Shades of Grey is going to be a movie
Kelly: Where’s that?
Gabe: well, in 10 years
Gabe: when they exhume everyone’s corpse
Gabe: and ask all the skeletons to name the greatest movies
Gabe: i think there are going to be some changes for sure
Gabe: 1. The Avengers in IMAX 3D
Gabe: 2. 50 Shades of Gray 3
Gabe: 3. The Avengers 2 in IMAX 3D
Gabe: 4. The Wire
Kelly: hahah
Kelly: Ugh I can’t wait for that list, that is a list I can definitely get behind
Kelly: Better than this sleepy garbage
Gabe: that’s going to be the other big news story of the day
Gabe: “2022: Film & Sound releases it’s list of the greatest movies ever made, The Avengers replaces Forrest Gump for #1″
Gabe: “In related news, Kelly Conaboy finally gets behind the list!”
Gabe: “Just one decade after not being able to get behind the list, Kelly Conaboy gets behind the list. ‘This is a list I can get behind,’ said Conaboy from the unemployment line.”
Kelly: “In more related news, who is Gabe Delahaye? I don’t remember, do you? All I remember is that he died 10 years ago of old age but that’s it, I can’t remember anything else.”
Kelly: “All we can find is this photograph”

Gabe: RUDE
Kelly: IT’S NOT ME IT’S JUST THE NEWS
Gabe: 100 percent of people polled agreed
Gabe: you are rude
Gabe: you are #1 greatest rude
Kelly: Well I polled myself and agreed that you started it and you are actually the #1 greatest rude
Kelly: So
Kelly: :( I’M SORRY NOW I FEEL BAD
Gabe: YOU SHOULD
Kelly: WELL I DO AND I APOLOGIZE, I’M SURE YOU WILL NOT DIE OF OLD AGE THIS YEAR
Gabe: WELL NOW YOU HAVE CURSED ME
Gabe: I HOPE YOU LIVE FOREVER
Kelly: NO!
Gabe: YEAH!
Kelly: THAT IS A MUCH WORSE CURSE!
Gabe: I HOPE YOU LIVE FOREVER AND NEVER DIE BUT ALWAYS KNOWING THAT YOU CURSED ME
Kelly: NO GABE NO!!!!!!!
Kelly: My one consolation
Kelly: Is that I will forever know which movie got the top spot in the Sight and Sound poll
Kelly: I will pray it to you every 10 years so you know, too
Kelly: And so that one day my curse may finally be broken
Gabe: every ten years when some movies that nobody cares about are placed in an order that doesn’t mean anything
Gabe: that is when i will return to haunt you
Kelly: :( It will be nice to see you