A Friendly Chat With Gabe And Kelly: One Million Moms Is Protesting The New Normal
Kelly: Hey, Gabe!
Gabe: Kelly! What’s up?!
Kelly: Not a whole lot, kind of the same stuff, just trying to stay cool in the summer heat.
Gabe: that’s very COOL OF YOU
Gabe: get it?
Gabe: you probably don’t even get it
Gabe: my humor isn’t for everyone!
Gabe: all my friends say I’m the craziest person they know
Kelly: You are sooooo nuts haha
Gabe: hahah yeah hahahaha
Kelly: But yeah no I got it
Gabe: pretty funny stuff
Gabe: OK well check ya later
Kelly: Ok, well, you CAN check me later…
Kelly: If you don’t like talking about CONTROVERSY!
Gabe: whoa whoa whoa HOLD THE PRESSES
Gabe: an american controversy?
Gabe: you know i’m down for this!
Gabe: give me the juice!
Kelly: Ok here’s the juice, Gabe
Kelly: Before we get to the juice I want to let you know that there isn’t a better nickname for your name
Kelly: I tried thinking of one to say
Gabe: no, i know
Gabe: my name is perfect AS IS
Gabe: A++ would do business with my name again
Kelly: Ok great now onto the main juice: ONE MILLION MOMS IS CALLING FOR A PROTEST OF NBC’S THE NEW NORMAL
Kelly: One Million Moms being an organization obviously not literally one million moms
Gabe: uh oh, sounds legitimate and like a thing that will work
Gabe: if there is one thing that enrages americans
Gabe: it is TV shows that haven’t aired yet
Gabe: yeah, how many moms are really in One Million Moms?
Gabe: 40 moms?
Kelly: I’m sure at least around 90 moms
Gabe: i’m pretty sure it’s somewhere between 40 and 200 moms but that’s IT
Kelly: I think you probably nailed it
Gabe: what are they protesting?
Kelly: The fact that the show is about two gay men hiring a surrogate to have their baby
Kelly: And that is not how George Washington intended
Gabe: good point
Gabe: that is not how George Washington intended
Gabe: this sounds like a pretty important protest
Kelly: “NBC is using public airwaves to continue to subject families to the decay of morals and values, and the sanctity of marriage in attempting to redefine marriage. These things are harmful to our society, and this program is damaging to our culture.”
Kelly: Sounds very important
Gabe: oh man, i am so nervous
Gabe: for the one million moms
Gabe: because i feel like what’s going to happen is
Gabe: NBC is going to broadcast this show anyway
Gabe: and in order to better understand their enemy
Gabe: the million moms are going to get their very first television sets
Gabe: and sure, they’ll get mad about the new normal
Gabe: but when the show ends they’ll flip through the channels
Gabe: and see EVERYTHING ELSE THAT’S ON TV!!!!!
Kelly: Oh jeeze I hope Will and Grace isn’t on in syndication anywhere
Kelly: I’m not sure it will make it onto TV though, to be honest.
Kelly: They say they are prepared to contact any and all sponsors if the program is aired and that it is proven that this strategy works
Kelly: Just like how it worked when one million moms protested when Ellen DeGeneres was the spokesperson for JC Penney, and also when they protested oreos
Gabe: well, what’s really going to upset the million moms
is when all their nightmares come true
Gabe: and as the credits roll on the very first episode of the new normal
Gabe: gay marriage becomes legal across the world and bigotry no longer exists and everyone FUCKS IN THE STREET
Gabe: that’s why so many blogs talk so much about all the new TV shows in the fall
Gabe: because of how they always CHANGE THE WORLD FOREVER
Kelly: It’s why the divorce rate has gone through the roof since Friends aired and continues to go through the roof since Friends was syndicated.
Kelly: Fool One Million Moms once.
Kelly: I just hope that the One Million Moms do enjoy these few last weeks of relative normality before everyone turns into a handsome gay couple.
Kelly: And don’t waste them all being upset.
Gabe: yeah, get out in the sunshine, million moms
Gabe: while you still can
Kelly: You only live pre-apocaplyse once
Gabe: before the streets are just TEEMING with loving gay couples raising happy children
Gabe: so gross
Gabe: especially since for every gay family
Gabe: two straight families are DESTROYED
Gabe: i do think Obama was wrong on that one
Gabe: that was a weird law for him to pass
Gabe: without congressional approval
Gabe: CHECKS AND BALANCES, ANYONE?
Kelly: And you know you’ll never hear about it in the gay-n stream media.
Kelly: What One Million Moms should do right now, other than protesting a TV show
Kelly: Is just go home, relax, and get themselves and their families ready for the impending rapture.
Kelly: Put on their best outfits, wait on the roof maybe
Kelly: Because I’m just not sure that this planet can be saved.
Gabe: one million angels