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A Friendly Chat With Gabe And Kelly: Martha Stewart Says Women Are Supposed To Pay For Valentine’s Day?!

staff | February 8, 2012 - 5:30 pm

Gabe: hey kelly
Kelly: Hey, Gabe
Gabe: you excited for valentine’s day?
Gabe: the most magical day of the year?
Kelly: Uh duh yeah hello
Kelly: I love love
Kelly: And I love celebrating it
Gabe: oh good
Gabe: you got your wallet ready?
Gabe: is your wallet packed?
Kelly: WIth what? Coupons for hugs?
Kelly: Yeah I guess
Kelly: There are a few
Kelly: Nothing else though, why?
Gabe: well, it turns out, and i didn’t know this either
Gabe: but women have to pay for valentine’s day
Gabe: says Martha Stewart
Gabe: she told seth meyers and now we all know
Kelly: WHAT???????

Kelly: That’s bologna, women pay for Valentine’s Day ALL YEAR.
Gabe: with what?
Gabe: with what money?
Gabe: where did the money come from?
Gabe: a man, probably
Kelly: Well I don’t know where the money comes from, it just shows up in our bank account!
Kelly: The thing is
Kelly: Why would the woman pay for Valentine’s Day
Kelly: when she is a woman
Kelly: and the man is a man?
Kelly: That’s the thing I don’t understand about it, overall
Gabe: well, i guess the trade off is
Gabe: the man has to buy you a diamond
Gabe: in exchange for dinner
Gabe: so ultimately you do come out on top
Kelly: Hahah oh
Kelly: Well that’s fine, then, I guess?
Gabe: yeah, no, actually
Gabe: it’s kind of a bum deal for us DUDES
Gabe: a whole diamond? for Valentine’s Day?

Gabe: if anything, this is why people who don’t have a special someone
Gabe: on valentine’s day
Gabe: should be happy instead of sad
Gabe: NO DIAMOND PURCHASE REQUIRED
Kelly: Well, it’s called love, Gabe.
Kelly: Haven’t you ever bought anyone a diamond for Valentine’s Day?
Kelly: Haven’t you ever CELEBRATED IT?
Gabe: i’ve totally celebrated valentine’s day, not that it’s any of your business
Gabe: it was so romantic!
Kelly: Did she like the diamond?
Kelly: Did you enjoy the dinner?
Gabe: not enough, apparently
Kelly: :(
Gabe: hahahaha
Gabe: “with this dinner, i thee wed”
Gabe: that is what you’re going to say
Gabe: to your beau on valentine’s day
Gabe: as he slips a diamond into your purse
Kelly: Hahaha
Kelly: Well don’t ruin it
Kelly: Jesus
Gabe: Martha Stewart ruined it
Gabe: with her Bill Maher’s New Rules
Kelly: Ugh you’re right. That was going to be my big reveal on Valentine’s Day.
Kelly: Nah uh put that credit card away
Kelly: It’s 2012, Bridesmaids, and I’m paying.
Gabe: “nah uh”
Gabe: very romantic
Gabe: “nah uh. Happy Valentine’s day, dude.”
Kelly: “WAZAAAAP”
Kelly: Hahah + a card that says wazzap when you open it

Gabe: ugh
Kelly: But now all the plans are out in the open and ruined.
Kelly: Because Martha Stewart had to share the rule
Gabe: haha right
Kelly: that all women have known forever
Gabe: wait
Kelly: but have kept under their hats.
Gabe: what?
Gabe: so you ladies knew the rule the whole time!?
Kelly: Wait what?
Kelly: Oh no I mean
Kelly: We knew, well
Kelly: That there WAS a rule
Kelly: That somebody
Kelly: had to
Kelly: well
Kelly: Yes, we’ve all known the whole time.
Kelly: But it’s like the rule that you don’t have to tip the owner of a restaurant, that I learned once from Gilmore Girls.
Kelly: Right?
Gabe: uhhhhhh
Gabe: i imagine you
Gabe: going through most of your life
Gabe: doing things that appall other people
Gabe: and then just going
Gabe: “That’s what I learned on Gilmore Girls.”

Kelly: Hahahah
Kelly: That is too close to the truth to even make a joke about it
Gabe: i wasn’t joking
Gabe: that is literally how i imagine you
Kelly: Well perfect do you want to know how I imagine you?
Gabe: YEAH, I DO ACTUALLY
Kelly: WELL
Kelly: I DO WISH I HAD THOUGHT OF SOMETHING BEFORE I ASKED
Gabe: hahahahaha
Gabe: “I imagine you being perfect”
Gabe: “and never being wrong”
Gabe: “or making any mistakes.”
Kelly: “I imagine you getting all your mistakes out between the ages of 2 and 3 and now everything you do is correct.”
Kelly: “And then something about The Wire and Justified.”
Kelly: “And THEN something about Michigan.”
Kelly: “The end”
Gabe: you got most of it right
Kelly: “Follow my dog on twitter the end.”
Gabe: except i got all my mistakes out between 2 and 2 and a half.
Gabe: FAST LEARNER
Kelly: Ugh, well, CONGRATULATIONS
Gabe: thanks, you’re probably still making mistakes all the time
Kelly: Well one thing I learned from Gilmore Girls is that you never stop making mistakes and that’s fine as long as you learn from them. Even moms make mistakes.
Gabe: did the Gilmore Girls teach you how to get a new job?
Kelly: :( yes
Gabe: good, because you’re
Gabe: HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!