Oh My God Do Not Watch This Spider Video

Oh my god. There are so many other things you could be doing right now. Maybe you should watch this “I Don’t Want My Pizza Burning” video for a bit. It’s as good as it sounds! There are infinite other things you could be doing than watching this video of a spider getting squished and then a million tiny spiders pouring out of it DON’T EVEN READ THOSE WORDS. Have you had lunch yet? Maybe you should go out to get lunch today. “Treat yourself.” – Parks and Recreation. And while you’re out for lunch, maybe circle the block a few times? Get some fresh air in your lungs. Try not to think about spiders while you’re doing it. Or how many of them are in your apartment right now. Or how you do know that that thing about how you eat 100 spiders or whatever in your sleep over the course of a year isn’t true, but if someone made that up then you must eat at least a few of them, right? Ahhhh sooo are you going to watch Parenthood tonight? Did you watch Gossip Girl last night? What do you want to talk about? The spider video, still? You seriously want to watch it. Well, fine. It’s your funeral. Literally. This video is not literally your funeral, but you are literally going to die when you watch it. RIP you. See you in hell.

I would say something, but if you’ve gotten this far I can only imagine that you watched that spider video and, even though you couldn’t totally make out what was going on, you definitely got the point of it and you are now deceased. I hope you had a good life, because I’m sure you had a terrible death. What size clothes did you wear? Can I have your clothes? (Via VVV.)