Paula Deen Has Type 2 Diabetes, Is An Asshole

Although the news broke last week, Paula Deen appeared on the Today Show this morning with Al Roker to announce to the world that she has been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. Normally this story would make the cover of this month’s Duh Aficionado Magazine (order your back issue of “Dr. Atkins Dies of Heart Attack” here) and that would be that because OF COURSE Paula Deen has type 2 diabetes. Except it turns out that she has HAD IT FOR THREE YEARS and just didn’t bother telling anyone as she continued her high-speed ride on top of the Butter Bullet Train. Ugh. And it just so happens that her announcement has coincided quite nicely with her signing of a multi-million dollar sponsorship deal with a pharmaceutical company for a diabetes drug. OH COOL, THIS IS COOL. What a fucking asshole! Anthony Bourdain already said it best: “When your signature dish is hamburger in between a doughnut, and you’ve been cheerfully selling this stuff knowing all along that you’ve got type 2 diabetes… It’s in bad taste if nothing else.” Look, obviously our thoughts and prayers are with Paula Deen and her family during this delicious difficult time, but good grief. The worst part is how George W. Bush she is being about the whole thing. Like, OK, you’re a greedy (obviously, I mean, obviously, it is crazy how obvious it is that Paul Deen is greedy with EVERYTHING) jerk who does not care about anything other than getting as much of everything as you possibly can into your body and/or wallet. That’s fine. But then just do that. Drop the AW SHUCKS routine you FUCKING MONSTER. Look at this shit:

Her answer to Al’s question about being paid by a pharmaceutical company to hawk their medicine, “yes, I get paid for my work just like you do at your job,” is so slimy and condescending and straight up EVIL. Will no one throw a frozen ham in this woman’s face? And then her follow-up explanation for why she kept quiet for THREE YEARS about it? Because she didn’t “have anything to offer people”? Right. No, totally. It’s almost as if she cares TOO much about the well-being of regular Americans. PAULA DEEN: HERO. “The thing is, I had to continue for three years to promote a diet of overly rich, impossibly fatty foods to people on national television because of helping and God bless and America.” Boo!

Paula Deen is a bad person, and a liar. She should go directly to jail, no ifs ands or BUTTERS about it. (There we go. Via Eater.)