Videogum

You Can Make It Up: The Lost Season Of How To Make It In America

By Gabe Delahaye / December 22, 2011 - 5:45 pm

Ben and Cam get coffee at Grumpy coffee and walk around the Lower East Side wearing their new line of Crisp jeans. Someone says “Yo, are those Crisp jeans?” and Ben and Cam fist bump each other. It’s pretty sad hearing over text on their iPhone 4s’s about how Kappo keeps getting raped in prison, but life is still pretty sweet. Gadzooks called this morning and they want another 2,500 hoodies. Ben and Cam wonder if maybe they should go to Torisi Italian Specialities for dinner to celebrate. Have you heard of it? Ben and Cam decide they’ll just go to La Esquina instead. It’s, like, their favorite place. Carnitas tacos are out of this world, bro. Ben and Cam split up and agree to meet at La Esquina later. Will they meet later? Will Crisp succeed? They do end up meeting later. It’s a success! Everyone gets free tacos and horchata at La Esquina and Amanda Seyfried is there and agrees to be in the new Crisp look book. “Is Amanda Seyfried really Crisp material?” Cue a song by Azaelia Banks.

Domingo is working on a new line of marijuana-infused chewing gum called Big Weed Chew and trying to expand his dog walking service into celebrity clientele. He’s already walking Sting’s dog and also Mark Cuban’s dog. One day he sees a cute girl and thinks he’s in love but the next day he realizes he’s not in love so he gets high. But then he realizes he was already high so now he’s super high. He buys a vietnamese banh mi from a secret Vietnamese banh mi stand that’s in the back of a jewelry store in Chinatown. This gives him the idea that maybe he could deal weed out of a banh mi stand. He texts this idea to Lulu. They agree to have brunch at Tartine in three weeks to discuss it (season finale).

Nancy calls Ben to tell him that she’s leaving Yosi because she’s pregnant. Then she says “psyche!” and hangs up the phone. Ben heaves a sigh of relief at continuing to lead a life completely free from dramatic stakes. Cam and Lulu’s dad arm wrestle over who has to pay for absinthe-based stirred cocktails at Death & Company. Lulu’s dad wins, but he agrees to pay for the drinks anyway. Cam proposes to Lulu and she suggests that they take their time and not rush into things. Cam agrees this is actually a better idea, so they keep dating for the rest of the season and no one ever mentions marriage again.

Renee continues to push for more and more distribution of his energy drink, Rasta Monstah. He realizes that what he really needs is to get a product placement in a feature film. He has a meeting with Jim Jarmusch where he threatens to break both his legs if Jim Jarmusch doesn’t feature Rasta Monstah in his next film. Jim Jarmusch laughs him off. Renee’s bodyguards remind him that he’s trying to become a legitimate businessman (still, just like last season) and he should probably stop threatening violence. Renee agrees and his meeting with Ed Burns is much more cordial. Ed Burns agrees to feature Rasta Monstah in The Brothers McMullen 2.

To celebrate their success, Ben and Cam rent out the roof of the Gansevoort in the meatpacking district, but to be extra cool, they don’t even show up to their own party. Rachel goes with the Neanderthals t-shirt designer from Bushwick. They ride tall bikes all the way there. The t-shirt designer tells her his plan to open up a ukelele factory in Clinton Hill. Rachel says she will write the marketing materials for his ukelele company but he tells her to relax and not be such an adult, they can just work out the details later. We assume eventually the details do get worked out. (It also turns out that the t-shirt designer is friends with M.I.A.) At the Gansevoort, Rachel jumps into the pool. It’s the craziest thing she’s ever done, she tells everyone, but no one is listening to her because they are too busy discussing the merits of the new M83 album while DJ Questlove spins the Attack The Block soundtrack in the background. Ben and Cam pop open a can of Sophia champagne and drink it under the Brooklyn Bridge. This is their town now. It’s all really happening.

Seven pairs of Crisp jeans sold worldwide, SON!