Have you dreamed of being Gwyneth Paltrow’s personal (well, not personal) Director of Social Media? Now is your chance. Must be based in London. Must have scented gold-leaf resume. More information here.
Junior Web/Graphic Designer?! I’M ON MY WAY.
Michael K from Dlisted should apply and sabotage his way into writing for her.
Twitter: “I’m shedding my most recent layer of skin and then heading to lunch. Thinking Mice Salad sounds good! #imasnakeperson”
Facebook: “Don’t you hate it when your private jet is running late from Switzerland? I mean it’s like ”
“Gwynny has her period and wants Chocolate NOW!” Leave your worst Aunt Flo stories in the comments and like this if you’re crampy!”
Did I get the job?
I found this footnote on the application pretty weird.
*Regardless of applicants name, Gwyneth has decided to call her Director of Social Media “Keith.” You will need to respond to “Keith.”
“Damn!” – Kelly
This sounds like a job for Videogum Everywhere, London Division.
Since you’re going to be doing very important social media-y stuff, you can be guaranteed to spend an awful lot of time researching Apple products.
(You get it.)
I imagine this will show up in her Google Alerts she no doubt has set up for “Gwyneth, Moms, Rich, Gold Leaf, Coldplay Sucks” so I’ll just leave this here:
Rara H. Internets
Summary of Qualifications
Creative hair problem solver consistently able to exceed goals. Extensive “Country Strong” knowledge. Find ‘Shallow Hal’ to be actually pretty good. Coldplay is terrible.
-Using “cabeza” unironically in everyday speech
-Ability to suffer regular chicken instead of capon
-Fluent in MS Office Suite, Adobe Creative, $3000 espresso machines
With this being so close to Gabe’s recent hire of Kelly, I am beginning to suspect that Gwyneth is either A) following Videogum and trying to keep pace or B) Gabe is an imaginary construct created by Gwyneth as an alter ego. Notice how you never see them together or even in the same room? And I’m pretty sure when you rearrange the letters of “Gabe Delahaye” it spellys “Gwyneth Paltrow”. I’m too lazy to check this but I’m pretty sure that is correct.
This is my dream. I want to get this job and just bomb at it with normal slovenly person advice. “Baby wipes are great for taking off your makeup when you’ve been drinking Yellow Tail Merlot all night!”
Paging Joe Mande …
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