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Bicycle Robot Paints A Dark Picture Of The Post-Human Future

Kelly Conaboy | October 25, 2011 - 3:45 pm

I’m not usually one to get overwhelmed by the mention of a robot. (This also happens to be the first sentence of my futuristic re-imagining of Notes from Underground.) Compared with Gabe, who has a well-known fear of a robot uprising, I’d like to think that I take a calmer and more understanding approach. I’ve grown up with robots and, really, have barely known a world without them. The thought that they could someday become self-aware — or even just malfunction — and go on a bloody, nightmare killing spree seemed kind of laughable before. Please. Robots? You mean, MY FRIENDS? Lighten up. Or as my friends say, “Cool your bolts.” But, with time and age come a deeper understanding of certain things. Certain things like robot uprisings and how I THINK MAYBE GABE WAS RIGHT TO BE WORRIED AND THAT THE ROBOT UPRISING HAS ACTUALLY BEGUN?! WE HAVE WASTED WAY TOO MUCH TIME TRYING TO CONVINCE OURSELVES THAT IT HAS NOT BEGUN AND THAT ROBOTS ARE OUR FRIENDS! THERE IS NOWHERE TO HIDE! WE’VE INCORPORATED THEM INTO EVERY ASPECT OF OUR LIVES AND TAUGHT THEM ALL THE NECESSARY SKILLS THEY NEED TO END OUR TIME ON THE PLANET. GOD BLESS ALL OF US AND HAVE MERCY. IN STRIVING FOR GREATNESS AND A WAY TO MAKE COOKIES AND GET KETCHUP WITHOUT HAVING TO DO IT OURSELVES, WE HAVE DOOMED OUR SPECIES AND OUR SOULS. WE WILL ALL DIE ASHAMED.

DID YOU SEE HOW IT STOPPED THE BICYCLE WITH ITS LITTLE ROBOT LEG? THAT WAS ADORABLE. I CAN’T BELIEVE HOW CUTE THAT WAS. IT’S JUST A ROBOT, I DIDN’T THINK ROBOTS COULD BE THAT CUTE. DON’T GET ME WRONG I DEFINITELY STILL THINK WE’RE ALL GOING TO GET MURDERED SOON BECAUSE IF ROBOTS CAN RIDE BICYCLES IT’S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE THEY’RE RIDING THEM INTO YOUR HOME TO KILL YOU, BUT AT LEAST IT WILL BE JUST THE CUTEST THING. LOVE YA TINY ‘BOTS! SEE YOU IN HELL! (Thanks for the tip, Funtastik.)