Only one episode left, everybody! I can’t even believe it. Time flies when you’re getting your heart and mind trampled on by a TV show every week. What are we even going to talk about when it’s over? OCCUPY WALL STREET? Boo, snore. No thanks. I guess we can maybe just stop talking altogether until next summer. But then what will we talk about when the show is done for good? How we need and DESERVE a Breaking Bad movie? I guess that will have to do. Sigh. OH! So, something I wanted to adress before we got into talking about this week’s insane episode is how we all definitely need to enter this contest for a walk-on role in next season’s Breaking Bad and a four-day, three-night trip to Albuquerque, New Mexico. I can’t wait until I win this contest! I plan to be SO good at walking-on that Vince Gilligan decides to give me and Jesse a spinoff where we’re married and I don’t allow him to cook meth anymore, so it’s like this thing where he struggles with different jobs? Because he doesn’t have any skills. And every week he gets fired from something else and I’m like, “Jeessssssseeeeeeeeeee.” Ugh that is going to be the best. Ok, so: This episode!
The episode begins close to where the last left off. Walt is out of the basement, thank goodness, and Skyler is packing to be taken to Hank and Marie’s, where the two families will be staying under the watch of the DEA. We don’t get to see Skyler and Walt fight about how she gave all that money to the person she cheated on him with, which is unfortunate. I was really looking forward to that fight. But oh well. Anyway, Walt is refusing to go to Hank’s because it will put everyone in danger. Skyler says there must be something they can do and Walt responds, “There isn’t. There was, but now there isn’t.” Ouch, eeesh. I guess that’s enough of a fight. Walt convinces Skyler that he has to stay behind, and calls Hank to tell him it’s because someone has to run the carwash. Yeah, right. Sure. Hank isn’t too difficult to convince, though, because he doesn’t really believe anyone is in danger anyway. Also the baby cries a lot when she and Skyler are being taken away. Aww. Baby.
After they leave, Walt sits in his back yard spinning his gun like a game of spin the bottle. It lands on him twice and then on a plant. Oh no! What’s going to happen to that plaaaaaaaannnnt?!!!!
At Hank and Marie’s, Walt Jr. and Marie are arguing about how they think Walt should be there. Hank tries to convince them that they’re not really in danger anyway and that the threat against him is just a smokescreen because they don’t like how he’s spending his free time, to which Walt Jr. responds, “What. Minerals?” Uh, they’re called ROCKS, Walt Jr., and no of course not. So he explains to the group and to his DEA partner guy Steve how he thinks Gus is behind it, and how he thinks the laundromat is a meth super lab, etc. Because he is the world’s best rogue DEA agent. I kind of forgot that Skyler didn’t know that Hank was on Walt’s tail with all this stuff. So she gives this kind of a face :-0. Now she knows! I’m not sure how that will effect anything, if it will at all. I feel like there’s not really enough time yet for her reaction to mean anything. We’ll see, I guess! (Very good episode commentary.) Hank convinces Steve to check out the laundromat without a warrant by telling him that he was never good at knock-and-talks. “I WAS TO GOOD AT KNOCK-AND-TALKS,” said Steve. And then Hank pretended like he couldn’t hear him. And Steve was like come ooooooon, HANK. HANK. I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME HANK. But Hank didn’t let up so Steve was like, FINE. I WILL GO KNOCK-AND-TALK TO THE LAUNDROMAT. THEN WE’LL SEE WHO WAS NEVER GOOD AT IT. And he left and slammed the door. Hank smiled and nodded and said “That’ll do.” Or something like that? I think my head was on the floor for a bit of this scene so some of that may be inaccurate. In any case, Hank convinced him to check out the laundromat.
At the laundromat, Steve tells the guy in charge a story about how he’s working on a case in which he found heroin on a burger chef and the burger chef told him that he thinks it got there after it was laundered at this laundry place, yadda yadda. The guy in charge isn’t going to let him in, but Steve tells him that if they come back with a warrant they’ll have to shut down for a day and there will be 20 or so DEA guys in there going through stuff. So the guy lets him in. They walk around and take pictures of, like, laundry machines, but they don’t find anything suspicious. There is a cool shot when they’re above taking pictures of laundry machines than pans down through the floor, revealing Jesse and New Gus Guy in the basement.
New Gus Guy is being insufferable of course, not responding to Jesse, when he gets a phone call. FOR Jesse. It’s Gus who explains that the DEA is there looking for the super lab because of Walt’s inaction with Hank. Gus is looking for Jesse to finally give him permission to kill Walt, but Jesse stands strong. “So what are you gonna do,” he asks. Gus tells him, “There will be an appropriate response.” Ugh. GUS. Remember when we loved Gus? That was like two episodes ago. Remember when Jesse had the opportunity to kill Gus? Also, hey, where’s Mike? There was no Mike in this episode. HOW IS MIKE DOING? WE NEED AN UPDATE.
In the next scene Jesse is dropped off at his car in the desert by a laundromat truck. He tries to call Walt but gets his voicemail, and he has six vague messages on his phone, all from Saul. So he rushes to Saul’s office to find him clearing out — he tells him what Gus said to Walt (about murdering his entire family) and Saul sees himself as part of that family too (haha, Saul), so he’s making himself disappear for a while.
Back at Hank and Marie’s, Hank is looking over the laundromat photos Steve took. Skyler comes up behind him and asks if he got anything, but Hank responds that they’re “clean as a whistle.” I feel like Steve could’ve done a much better job in there. Come on, Steve. Find the basement! Just find the basement. Anyway, Skyler tries to call Walt but she gets his voicemail too. WALT! You can at least pick up the phone for Skyler. She probably thinks you’re dead! Come on. So Skyler goes outside and smokes a cigarette. That’s not good for you, Sky. There’s no excuse.
Jesse gets a call at his place and responds “What’s wrong with him? What hospital?” My first thought was that it was Walt, which is I’m assuming what most people’s first thought was, but no! It was BROCK! Brock is in the ICU and neither Andrea nor the doctors know what’s wrong with him. Then, in what was maybe one of my favorite scenes this season, Jesse goes outside to smoke a cigarette and slowly realizes his poison cigarette is no longer in the pack.
Holy moly. This scene. Did everyone say “oh shit” out loud? Because I said “oh shit” out loud completely involuntarily, and I’m not even the kind of person who says things like “oh shit” all the time. So. Jesse realizes this and runs in to tell Andrea that Brock could have been poisoned before he runs out, telling her he had to go see someone.
Jesse runs to Walt’s house where Walt explains everything that happened when Gus took him into the desert. He seems very paranoid, looking through the windows the entire time he’s talking to Jesse. While Walt is looking away, Jesse picks up his gun and aims it at Walt. !!!! JESSE. He screams at Walt, asking him why he poisoned Brock. And in what I thought was actually kind of funny — no child death-o — Walt responds, “I DON’T KNOW WHO THAT IS.” Hahah. Because he doesn’t! Why would he know who that was? But Jesse won’t let up, screaming at him to “ADMIT IT,” and it’s very scary, and he pushes Walt to the ground where Walt starts laughing his insane person laughter again. Ugh. That laughter. What a nightmare.
Jesse tells him to stop laughing and so do I, and then Walt says “I’ve been waiting all day for Gus to send one of his men to kill me. And it’s you.” Oh, man. That was a great line! Walt explains his theory, which is that Gus knew about the poison cigarette and had New Gus Guy (whose name I actually learned this episode — Tyrus. Can’t shake it. I know his name now) take it earlier that day and poison Brock. “THINK ABOUT IT. IT’S BRILLIANT,” he says. And I respond, “YEAH YOU’RE RIGHT, IT TOTALLY IS!” The last piece of the puzzle was to have Jesse allow Gus to kill Walt, so Gus devised a scheme to have Jesse kill Walt himself. It is weird that Gus knew about the cigarette, though. How did he know what it was? I get that Gus is all-powerful and all-knowing, but this seemed a little like it depended on a bit of suspension of disbelief. Which I’m pretty much fine with. But a little bit not fine with. Anyway, Jesse still keeps his gun planted on Walt’s head while Walt says, “If you think I’m capable of doing this, then go ahead. Put a bullet in my head right now.” EESH! WALT! Stop it! But Jesse eventually lets up, leaving a scary indent on Walt’s forehead:
He leaves saying he’s going to kill Gus against Walt’s pleading, and Walt says, “Then let me help.”
Back at the hospital, Jesse continues to try to get back to see Brock, but the nurse won’t let him because he isn’t family. What a terrible hospital rule! People are always having difficulty with this rule on TV, I think it should be abolished. But Jesse eventually leaves and falls asleep in the lobby only the be woken up by Tyrus telling him to go to work. OF COURSE. That guy needs to mind his own GD business sometimes. But Jesse refuses to leave.
Walt is making some sort of explosive at his house. I don’t know what it is. I’m not an explosives expert. But it looked like he needed to open A LOT of cold packs to make it, soooo.
Jesse is still waiting at the hospital when Tyrus approaches him again. WHAT NOW, TYRUS? YOU HUGE JERK? EVER HEARD OF TAKING A DAY OFF? He says Gus is there and would like to talk to Jesse, so they walk to the chapel where he is waiting. Gus explains, very calmly, as is his way, that Jesse needs to return to walk. Jesse explains, in a way that makes us love him, as is his way, that there is a little boy upstairs who is maybe going to die and there is no way he’s leaving the hospital. Gus asks if there’s anything he can do, since he is on the board of this hospital, but Jesse tells him that the boy isn’t sick — he was poisoned. Eeeeeep! “How did that happen?” “The doctors — they don’t know.” Upon receiving this information, Gus allows Jesse to stay at the hospital, telling him he can start a new batch when he’s ready to return — next week. Why’d you change you tune, Gus? HUH? WHY’D YOU CHANGE IT?
As the men walk into the hospital parking garage, Walt watches them from the roof of a building across the street, waiting to press the button on his homemade explosive. Walt looks like a crazy homeless person.
Somehow, Gus knows that something is up. HOW DOES HE KNOW? I don’t understand how he knows. That guy is really getting on my nerves with how he knows everything and then also how he poisoned that child.
But, somehow, he knows not to walk towards the car and instead walks to the railing and scans the area before finally leaving the garage. He doesn’t say a word to Tyrus or the other guy while he’s doing this and I bet they’re thinking, “Uhhh, Gus? The car is right there. GUS? HELLOOOOO.” Anyway, Walt looks incredibly defeated as they exit. His master explosion plan is foiled. Wah-wah. Sorry Walt.
Next week: THE SEASON FINALE! Ahhhhhh! I wonder what’s going to happen! I wonder if anyone is going to die! I wonder if EVERYONE is going to die! I hope Brock doesn’t die! GUYS! Are any of you having season finale parties? Are you going to play games? What games are you going to play? What kind of Breaking Bad cocktails are you going to make? Are you going to dress up? Guys!!!