Videogum

Jim Carrey’s Message To Emma Stone

By Gabe Delahaye / August 25, 2011 - 9:30 am

UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, YOU GUYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYS?! Give me a second to try and explain what this is, because I’m not really too sure myself. The Canadian actor Jim Carrey (The Majestic, The Number 23) recorded a personalized video message to American actress Emma Stone (The Help) and posted it to the Internet. Oh, isn’t that nice. Hollywood seems like such a dehumanizing place, you so rarely hear celebrities actually talk to each other in their own words as everything is processed through the publicity filter. What does he want to say to her? OH JUST BASICALLY HOW BADLY HE WANTS TO BANG HER BUT HOW HE KNOWS HE’S TOO OLD, BUT SO HE DOES HOPE THAT SHE FINDS LOVE IN HER LIFE EVEN IF IT CAN’T BE WITH HIM, BUT IF IT WAS WITH HIM THE SEX WOULD BE AMAZING, AND ALSO THEY WOULD GO CAMPING, SO GOOD LUCK WITH HER ACTING. Oh man. It doesn’t help that the camera is SHAKING THE WHOLE TIME?! Ew. Ew to this whole thing. Put it in jail. Put what in jail? All of it! Put Jim Carrey in jail, just right away. That one doesn’t even get a trial. Then put Hollywood in jail. Then burn the Internet to the ground and sweep its ashes into Whoops Ocean. “But Gabe, the ashes have mixed in with all of the barf and it’s hard to sweep now, we might need a shovel.” So get a shovel. Not my problem. JUST CLEAN IT UP! I will be in the shower, scrubbing my skin until it falls off.

I will say the same thing I said when I saw the Mr. Popper’s Penguins trailer: THIS IS SO PAINFULLY AWFUL! WHY DOES THIS EXIST?! (Via Dlisted.)