Duh Aficionado Magazine: Superman And Lois Lane Have Not Broken Up

Gabe Delahaye | July 18, 2011 - 9:30 am

Look, nerds, we all love superheroes, OK? There are probably one or two of us who don’t love superheroes, but based on the number of superhero movies they release each year and the amount of money those superhero movies make, it’s pretty clear that give or take one or two sourpusses, pretty much all of us love these wonderful characters. That being said, we all know that these guys aren’t real, right, nerds? That they are make believe and do not exist? And so that when things happen to them in comic books or in movies those things aren’t actually happening and are just stories? Because this article from TMZ that treats the “breakup” of Superman and Lois Lane like a real thing makes me wonder if everyone knows that. From TMZ:

Maria and Arnold … J.Lo and Marc Anthony … and now Superman and Lois Lane are officially KAPUT … TMZ has learned. Seriously. [Ed. note: No, TMZ, not seriously.]

Sources at DC Comics tell us … the company is rebooting the Superman comic book series in September — with a brand new Superman #1 — in the hopes of creating a new starting point for fans with more modern, relevant story lines. And there are some HUGE developments … including the fact that Lois and Clark are NOT together. In fact, we’re told Lois has new boyfriend.

But perhaps even more shocking — NO MORE RED UNDERWEAR!!!! Instead, new Superman (see photo) will sport an all blue bodysuit with his trademark red cape. Still, we gotta ask … Is that Kryptonite in his pocket … or is he just happy to see us? [Ed. note: You definitely gotta ask!]

Maria and Arnold. J-Lo and Marc Anthony. The end. How wonderful for those two very real couples who are going through very real public divorces to be lumped together with a comic book couple. I hope Superman has a secret family! (It is worth pointing out, in typical nerd-style, that if they are rebooting the whole series and Superman and Lois Lane aren’t together, then that doesn’t even mean they broke up necessarily, because in the reimagined world maybe they were never together in the first place, but also they are not real and this is not real. Seriously.) Anyway, don’t worry, nerds, Superman and Lois Lane didn’t break up. Because they can’t! No duh.