I generally look forward to flying, when I have to fly places. Especially when it’s a very early flight and there aren’t going to be a lot of people at the airport yet. It makes me feel like George Clooney. “Just flying to some VERY important business.” It’s exciting! And sometimes on the flight there’s a TV in the back of the seat ahead of you, and you can watch that TV. And one time on a flight I met the drummer of Eve 6. But, flying can also be a nightmare. That is a more common anecdote theme. For example, up until the age twenty-one, I was consistently asked if I was “travelling with an adult” when I went through security at airports. That is neither a joke nor an exaggeration. And when I would say “I’m twenty-one” they would say something like, “Oh, that’s a good thing, to look so young!” And it’s like yeah if I’m 50 and look 35 that’s good but when I’m 21 and look 11 I don’t know, that doesn’t seem so good to me. And also for example, this guy’s luggage got sent all over the world and then when he finally got it back it was covered in urine and toothpaste. Oops!
What! Now, of course we don’t know if this is actually urine. Maybe it is just moldy from being left in the rain or something, as if that is much better. But if it IS urine: WHAT! And the toothpaste maybe could have just squirted out by itself. But if it didn’t: WHAT! God, flying is a nightmare. It’s like every airline JUST got the job of being an airline. And it’s absolutely insane how frequently things get stolen from luggage. Pretty much always they do, if you have anything worth stealing in your luggage. And pretty much never your luggage shows up at your actual destination. I got a suitcase you can have as a carryon because of this, and guess how many times I’ve actually been able to carry it on. ONE TIME. And THAT time I had to switch seats because a person who couldn’t speak English was seated in an emergency exit seat, and I had a backpack with me, and they were like “Well, ok, you can’t have the backpack now because of some stupid airline reason and there is no room in the overhead, you’ll have to check it.” BECAUSE I DID A GOOD DEED? AND there was a crying baby next to me then! But also I got to watch a marathon of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia on the TV that was in the back of the seat ahead of me. So. (Via Gawker.)