It has been almost two years since young Falcon Heene climbed into a magical space balloon and soared into the collective imagination just kidding. He didn’t! He was in the attic, or whatever! As you may recall, it was his parents’s idea to pull a giant hoax as some kind of publicity for, like, a reality show that they wanted to pitch? About children going missing in space balloons? I have no idea. I know they went to jail, but things get foggy after that. The reason, of course, that the details of their plan are unclear is because their plan never made any sense. And the reason it never made any sense is because the two of them, or at least Papa Heene, is a legit certified coconut. Uh, Richard Heene’s Psyience Detectives? Trying to sell the original balloon for a million dollars? His self-published humor book about driving? He also wanted to make a (different from the balloon reality show) reality show about boxes? BOXES! And, of course, there is the Bear Scratch.
Well, Richard Heene has a new invention to promote, even though he must be rolling in that Bear Scratch $$$, with another INSANE self-produced infomerical (after the jump), and again we are plunged into the fogs of confusion over what in the hell Richard Heene even thinks is going on.
Like, that invention is fine? Sure! I bet it is hard to lift all the boulders into your truck when it’s time to move the boulders. But you know what is not fine? Richard Heene! Not just the yelling, but also the weird insistence that his name has some kind of brand recognition that is going to help move units for his truck robot? No. But also mostly just the yelling. Is there a doctor in the blog? Because the man needs a doctor. And I have a feeling a blog doctor is all he could afford. The rest of the family’s savings went into the metal-work required to die cut the words HEENELIFTING to weld onto the top of this machine.
“What do you MEAN you’re sold out of the HEENELIFTINGERS?”
-Someone in Richard Heene’s imagination
Poor Falcon. Always poor Falcon.