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Pizza Saves Lives

Gabe Delahaye | February 23, 2011 - 9:30 am

Pizza is the best. If you don’t agree with that statement then please do not read this site. AND DON’T LET THE BLOG HIT YOU ON THE WAY OUT. It is so delicious! With the cheese and the toppings and the sauce and the cheese and the toppings and the pizza. Yum! My stepdad used to say that pizza was the perfect food because it included each of the four food groups, and he’s a medical doctor! So it should come as no surprise that pizza is a life-saver. Of course it is! Admittedly, it is not a life-saver the way that, you know, medicine is a life-saver. And apparently the only way it can save your life is if you call the same pizza place every morning and order the exact same thing (large pepperoni pizza and two Diet Cokes) in a small town where that is an easily noticeable event, and where the employees of your local pizza place are actual employees and not would-be dancers or poets or something, too wrapped up in their DREAMS to care about you. And it should be noted that consuming a large pepperoni pizza and two Diet Cokes every day does have some side effects, but what medical treatment plan is without side-effects?! None medical treatment plans! THANK YOU, DR. PIZZA, FOR SAVING A WOMAN’S LIFE.

Take two pizzas and call me in the morning and other jokes combining pizza with hospital cliches. I NEED TWO CC’s OF PEPPERONI STAT! God damn it, Jim, I’m a doctor, not a pizza. WE COULD DO THIS ALL DAY AND LET’S. (Via Dlisted.)