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Gwyneth Paltrow Is “Freezing Her Ass Off,” And “A Fucking Liar”

By Gabe Delahaye / December 9, 2010 - 4:15 pm

Why, is it Christmas already? Because the new Goop is here! Just kidding. A tone-deaf celebrity’s self-indulgent, masturbatory ghost-written lifestyle email newsletter is NO GIFT. It is a curse! Also it is nonsense! From the latest Goop Blast (via HuffingtonPost):

I don’t know how it is where all of you are, but I am freezing my ass off. I will be relying heavily on my cozy winter boots to get me through to spring, however far off it may seem. Here are some of my favorites.

Love,
gp

And then a list of boots, I guess.

First of all, Gwyneth Paltrow, WE ALL KNOW ABOUT WINTER, THANK YOU. I appreciate you trying to blow the whistle on Big Winter but there are very few sheeple who have yet to have the wool ripped from their eyes as far as WINTER is concerned. But more importantly, you goddamned liar, HOW FREEZING CAN YOU BE WALKING FROM THE LIMO TO THE FASHION EVENT OR THE MOVIE PREMIERE OR TO TRACY ANDERSON’S PRIVATE WORK-OUT STUDIO OR TO NOBU OR WHATEVER THE HELL? “Super freezing out here, slaves, carry me faster.” For the record, you can be a self-satisfied, out-of-touch millionaire celebrity with future-assholes for children and a Gap jingle-writer husband WITHOUT being a blatant liar. You can tell the truth and still be insufferable, Gwyneth Paltrow, I promise.