Taking One For The Team: Gwyneth Paltrow Work Out Routine
[Ed. note: Joe Mande, stand-up comedian and the creator of the popular blog Look At This Fucking Hipster(soon to be a popular book!) is forced to do things that we don't want to do, for our education and amusement. If you have a challenge/suggestion, submit it to email@example.com.]
Hey, monsters! Check out the new Videogum digs. Gray and purple? Wawaweewa! Iiii liiiike! (No joke, those are my two favorite colors.) Okay, so some of you may have noticed that I missed my deadline for last week’s T14TT article. I am very, very sorry about that. But I have a good excuse! I put my T14TT where my mouth is and saved the life of a fucking shelter dog. And despite all her snoring and farts, she’s really great. I named her “Blanche,” which was hilarious at first, but has become more and more embarrassing each time I yell it in front of other people at the dog run. But enough with all the dog talk, you guys. Let’s get down to business.
My T14TT assignment for this week was to dance along to Gwyneth Paltrow’s arm flab workout video. And let me tell you, I was not happy about it. The blogosphere catches a glimpse of my dancing prowess a few weeks ago, and now all anyone wants to see is more of me dancing. Well, sorry. I’m not doing it! I happen to think I bring a lot more to the table than a bunch of sick moves and impeccable timing. I’m not some brainless clown here to amuse you. I went to college. I’m reading an 800-page book of Paul Bowles stories…for fun!
Anyway, here’s a video of me explaining my refusal to dance to a Gwyneth Paltrow workout video. (Watch closely and you may notice a subtle homage to my favorite G.P. film.)
Sorry if that was confusing. I meant to have two different haircuts and a hideous British accent.