BREAKING: AL ROKER POOPED HIS PANTS AT THE WHITE HOUSE
[Originally posted on January 17th, 2013.]
This website has had a long and difficult history with America’s Mediocrity, Al Roker, but all of that is forgiven today. He is now an American Hero. Let’s just get right to it. From TMZ:
When you undergo gastric bypass surgery, NEVER TRUST A FART — and Al Roker learned that lesson the hard way … at the White House.
Roker — who got his stomach stapled in March 2002 — shared his most embarrassing moment on “Dateline” last night, saying he was covering an event at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave a month after his operation … when he felt the urge to let one rip.
Roker said, “I probably went off and ate something I wasn’t supposed to. And as I’m walking to the press room, [I’m thinking] well, I gotta pass a little gas here. I’m walking by myself. Who’s gonna know? Only a little something extra came out. I pooped my pants.”
Roker said he beelined for the restroom to dump his underwear in the trash — and proceeded to go commando the rest of the day.
#NeverTrustAFart is trending worldwide. “I beelined for the restroom to dump my underwear in the trash and then I proceeded to go commando for the rest of the day.” That’s how that quote went, right? He said it exactly like that? Some stories you don’t want to embellish them or take the scenic route. This reminds me of Nicholas Schmidle’s incredible article in the New Yorker last year about the hunt for and assassination of Osama Bin Laden. No bells and whistles. No self-indulgent journalistic flourishes. Just sitting down and reflecting the world back to itself. January 2012: Mark Wahlberg single-handedly stopped 9/11. January 2013: Al Roker poops his pants at the White House. I don’t know about you guys, but this makes me excited for ALL OF THE STORIES YET TO BE TOLD! (NEVER TRUST A FART!)