Q: Is Taylor Swift Turning Into Jennifer Aniston?

Poor Jennifer Aniston. All she has is talent, success, fame, beauty, and multiple homes, and now it looks like her mere existence is cursing a new, younger generation of spinsters. Unless…oh my god, is it possible that Jennifer Aniston slipped into Taylor Swift’s room late at night and breathed the curse of the Unwed Empty Womb right into her mouth? Oh my. THAT WITCH! WITCHCRAFT! DROWN THE OLD WITCH! From Gossip Cop, via Celebitchy (good sources):

Taylor Swift is “in a deep depression over her single status,” reports Star. According to the tabloid’s latest Swift insider, “She’s incredibly down. She just can’t seem to find the right guy.”

“She said, ‘I just don’t get it. Why can’t I keep a guy? I feel like I’m turning into Jennifer Aniston. It’s just so unfair.’”

The magazine’s alleged “tipster” says: “Jared Leto ran for the hills after she chatted him up at a Golden Globes after party; Snapchat CEO Evan Spiegel hasn’t called her back after they went to a New Year’s Eve party together; and actor Douglas Booth totally brushed her off at a West Holywood bash last November.”

Poor Taylor Swift. All she has is talent, mega success, fame, beauty, multiple homes…oh my god. SHE IS TURNING INTO JENNIFER ANISTON! (PS: “The tabloid’s latest Swift insider.” What is happening to all of their Swift insiders?!) Quick, the only way we can break the curse is by having Taylor Swift do the Superbowl halftime show, like she should be doing, instead of boring fucking Bruno Mars, I don’t even know why he got that gig in the first place! Then maybe she won’t have to face the world alone without a ring on her finger or a child in her womb like, ugh, ahhg, ggguuhh, I can barely even say it…JENNIFER ANISTON! #pray4taylor #alsopray4bieber