A young girl sits on her grandmother’s lap as they flip through an old, dusty photo album. “Ah, and here we are at 2014,” says the grandmother. “The year of Shia LaBeouf?” asks the young girl. “That’s correct, dearie. The year of Shia LaBeouf. Very good.” Her eyes widen at the thought of gaining the knowledge she’d only yet cobbled together from her parent’s passing conversations (“remember when, in the year of Shia LaBeouf, Shia LaBeouf tried to–” “no”).  “Can we skip the Daniel Clowes stuff and get to when he started pulling his teeth out on the set of Fury and smelling so bad that even Stinky Daddy himself had a problem with it?” she asks. “Ohh, my little love, anything for you.” From The Daily Mail:

I am told that the 27-year-old actor, who has been in the UK filming the £50 million Second World War drama Fury, faced harsh criticism from fellow cast members including Brad Pitt and British actor Jason Isaacs – and even found himself shifting between three hotels in the Oxfordshire area where the action was filmed.

‘Shia was warned about his behaviour by several people on set, including Brad Pitt and director David Ayer,’ a source reveals. …

It seems that LaBeouf who plays an American soldier in Fury, was determined to adopt the method-acting approach for his new role. The source adds: ‘Shia drove everyone mad on set trying to prove that he was the most dedicated star.

‘He pulled out his own tooth during the first few weeks of filming and then refused to shower for weeks on end so he could better understand how his character would have felt living in the trenches.’

And this is from The Daily Mail, which routinely posts true stories about ghosts, so we know the source is reliable! But even if the source’s source is less than reliable, can someone please check on Shia LaBeouf? He seems like he is going through something! Like, in his brain? His brain seems bad. Or maybe broken. Listen, I don’t know a lot about the human body, obviously, but maybe he just needs a new brain? He, at the very least, needs a new tooth. Maybe when his dentist is checking his tooth, he can get a quick peek at the brain? Just a li’l look. Makes sure all the parts are there, etc. I don’t know. I’m not a dentist! Someone help him!