Listen, I know you’ve heard the same story a million times. Girl goes into the woods. Girl sees a huge animal running through the trees. Girl stops and thinks it must be a bear running on its hind legs, and she thinks, “haha, hey that’s pretty funny,” but then she notices its face and realizes that it seems actually kind of humanish, but bigger and like an animal. Girl waits around for the human animal to finish its running and approaches it to see if it could talk to her for a little while. After a little while of chatting about the woods, and this and that, girl gets up the courage to ask if the human animal is bigfoot. Human animal says, “It’s okay that you asked, I’m not offended or anything, but no I’m not bigfoot.” Girl asks, “What are you then?” Human animal kind of seems like he doesn’t know what to say for a second, and then says, “Ahh, I don’t know, kid. Listen, I’m not bigfoot.” Girl asks, “Really?” Human animal says, “Really, kid. You’re chasing a ghost. There’s no bigfoot here. And if there were one, it wouldn’t be me. There is no way I’m bigfoot.” Girl says, “Can I get a picture then?” Human animal runs away and girl can only get a picture of his hairy leg that looks like the cheapest fur at the costume shop. BUT, STAY WITH ME — WHAT IF BIGFOOT HAD BEEN LYING THAT WHOLE TIME AND HE WAS BIGFOOT?! The Sasquatch Genome Project is trying to figure out just that! (Kind of.)

Hmmmmm. Well. Okay, guys! Good luck! (More on this story as it develops.) (Thanks for the tip, R2d2, Esq.!)