Dear Mom And Dad,
I hope this letter finds you well. I’m sure you’re surprised to hear from me, 18-year-old Dineka Maguire from Northern Ireland, your daughter. As you know, I have been competing in the World Bog Snorkeling Championship for the past six years. You’d think winning the Bog Snorkeling Championship would be nothing but a dream for a young lass, but as I sit here with the Bog Snorkeling Championship ring around my finger (?) there is, too, a Bog Snorkeling Championship weight on my shoulders. Your weight, to be exact. “Oh, you’ll never win the Bog Snorkeling Championship,” you always said. “Get out of that bog, Dineka!” “Why can’t you be more like your brother? He doesn’t care about bogs at all.” “What even is a bog.” “Get your snorkel and come on home, Dineka, we respect your dreams and we want you to accomplish all of your goals, but setting the world record for bog snorkeling is not something that we, as parents, understand. I guess that’s what that old song is about. That’s what this is, it’s like that song. Get out of the bog!” Over and over I hear your cries for me to get out of the bog, and yet, here I am. Bog Snorkeling World Record-Holder Dineka Maguire. I don’t expect you to understand, but I just wanted you to know. Now you know.
World Record Holder,
WHO SWIM THE BOGS? (GIRLS!) (Via Abroath.)