That’s Your Boyfriend: The Drunk Man Who Swam Across The Detroit River

“My sister always told me he couldn’t do it. ‘Why are you holding onto this guy, with his empty claim that he could swim across the Detroit river, when there are plenty of good men out there,’ she’d ask. Hah. I always knew she was just jealous of me! Trying to cut off my happiness, trying to separate me from the man I love before his plan came to fruition — before I could reap the benefits of staying by his side for so many years of drunken, empty boasts. Not that I didn’t always believe he could do it. No, no, no — don’t YOU go putting words in my mouth, like my lonely, jealous sister does! I always knew he could. When his friends would tell him he was full of it, I’d be there by his side telling his friends to shut their ugly mouths. When my family would tell me that even if he weren’t full of it, even if he could theoretically swim across the Detroit river, that his claim was kind of a stupid one and that maybe I should find someone else, I’d be there telling them that they didn’t understand and to STAY OUT OF MY LIFE. And now look. Proven right. True love finds a way, even in the drunken darkness, even through the strong undertow in the shipping channel. I hope you all feel very foolish right now.” – You

I know your boyfriend doesn’t like it when you try to dress him, but maybe you should buy him a different shirt and just put it in his closet and pretend that he always had it? “Why don’t you ever wear this one?” you can ask. I think it’ll work. That’s just a small thing, though, and he’s perfect otherwise, congratulations! (Via Gawker.)