A Day In The Life Of A Fake Astronaut

“I wake up around 10AM. Usually it’s because my mom comes in and turns on the lights, or sometimes she’ll just passive-aggressively vacuum outside of my bedroom door. ‘Astronauts need rest,’ I tell her. I think she’s starting to understand because now instead of saying something like ‘astronauts need lots of education and hard work, John needs a job and to move out’ she just makes eye contact for a few seconds and then walks away. What is she seeing in there, behind my blue eyes? What is she seeing that makes her expression change from anger to something that looks like resignation and sadness but is most likely just overwhelming respect? I’ll tell you: She’s seeing an astronaut. From there I head to the kitchen for my standard astronaut’s breakfast: cereal straight from the box, no milk. Do you think they have milk in space? Haha, okay, right, from what cows? Space cows? ‘Uh-oh fellow astronaut, we’re out of milk! It’s time to put on our spacesuits and go out and milk the space cow for its space milk!’ Give me a break. This is why I am the astronaut and you are whatever you are. Then I take a sand shower out back. I know that Tank Girl isn’t exactly what space is going to be like, I don’t even think it was set in space, but becoming accustomed to things like sand showers is something you have to do in order to become accustomed to the space climate. (Have not yet been able to force sand through actual shower head, generally just pour bag on top of head and rub in whatever sticks.) Then I proceed to the video simulation terminal in the living room, where I spend most of the rest of the day. Do you have any other questions?

From Discover:

This week, I’ve put together an audio slideshow to give you a sense of what it’s like to live inside this simulated Mars habitat. We’ve been working, eating, exercising, filling out surveys and sleeping in this enclosed space for two months now.

Last Saturday we hit the halfway point in the mission. Less than two more months to go!

Bloggers would do well on Mars, I feel like. (Via Discover.)