ATTN: New Trampoline Accident Looks Like A Dream

As the snow starts to fall outside, beginning what is predicted to be a massive nor’easter for the east coast, I can’t help but think, “fuck these guys, seriously. Fuck them and their bullshit, beautiful trampoline accident.” And then I can’t help but think, “Ugh, I’m sorry about the language, I’m just very jealous and also a bit cold and sleepy, but I do hope you’re having fun and staying safe on your water trampoline.” Ugh. DO THEY EVEN KNOW WHAT WE’RE DEALING WITH OVER HERE, WHILE THEY’RE TUMBLING INTO THE WATER, LAUGHING WITH THEIR BEAUTIFUL, SUN-DRENCHED SMILES, PRETENDING THAT THIS HAPPY TRAMPOLINE MISSTEP IS ANYTHING CLOSE TO THE SOUL-CRUSHING EMBARRASERRORS THAT USUALLY MAKE UP TRAMPOLINE ACCIDENTS? Puh-leeze. At least it is Friday. At least we have that. Thank goodness. Hello, good morning!