Arnold’s Very Special Christmas Party

Arnold was right, this Christmas party is VERY special! What a treat it must have been for the children to have bizarre celebrities and ancient champion bowlers scream an off-kilter Christmas carol into their faces. “Papa, I wish tonight would last forever!” I think my favorite thing about this Christmas party, though, is how it’s filled with human beings acting like totally normal, real human beings with each other and definitely NOT acting like scary monsters from actual nightmares. “YOU AND YOUR SINGING LESSONS HAHAHAH I AM GOING TO GRAB YOU AND RIP YOUR BODY TO SHREDS WITH MY MEAT HANDS! FOR CHRISTMAS! DO NOT JOKE WITH ME ABOUT BOWLING BALLS YOU ARE JOKING WITH ME. WHERE IS DANNY DEVITO?” What a great party. Let’s cancel all of the holiday parties in America and just gather people in freezing cold conference rooms and watch this on a small TV because those parties are bullshit anyway, THIS is the one true party. Have some chicken nog! Did you try the beans?