How Ryan Gosling Ruins Restaurant-Goers Lives

Today is Ryan Gosling’s 32nd birthday, but unfortunately what is meant to be one of the happiest days of the young actor’s year, a day where he can visit Disneyland in peace without wasting any energy on the normal stressors of the day-to-day, has become shrouded in this newly-revealed scandal. From Celebitchy:

Although a little Ryan Gosling rolled up in a spicy pita bread would surely taste yummy, the Canadian actor is reportedly slipping off the menu at the Beverly Hills restaurant he co-owns called Tagine. The 32-year-old actor seems to have basically vanished from the Moroccan restaurant he’s been listed as co-owner of since about 2008 and apparently hasn’t been there in months. Gosling bought the eatery — and even renovated it by hand — during the middle an existential crisis period between 2007 and 2010 in which he stopped acting.

According to Gosling, he liked chilling in the smoky, exotic atmosphere and eating the delicious dishes created by chef Abdessamad “Ben” Benameur so much, he became an investor. But perhaps like his band, Dead Man’s Bones, the restaurant was just a passing fancy.

The reported absence of Gosling is, of course, is a big disappointment to fans who pay about $100 per person (with wine) to dine at Tagine. “It’s still always all over the Internet that Ryan Gosling is here since he owns it, so we came and thought we’d get to see him,” reports Mary Giaimo, a Vancouver resident who was visiting the city with her daughter and ate at Tagine in hopes of spotting the heartthrob. “But we got to talking with the waiter and he told us Ryan hasn’t been around in months.”

Months. 100 dollars per person with wine. Existential crisis period. Smoky, exotic atmosphere. While those words will no doubt reverberate in Gosling’s consciousness for years to come — roughly the amount of time it will take for his fans, CERTAIN they would see the famous co-owner of a restaurant on any given night at that restaurant, to forgive him, he can at least take a few minutes out of today to celebrate the moments in his 32 years when he didn’t completely fuck over the people who care about him enough to spend 100 dollars for dinner with wine at his restaurant, asking only for a gawk or two at his banging body. Please enjoy the happy birthday video below, Ryan Gosling.

You’re welcome, Ryan Gosling. But are we?