Have you ever been hanging out with a human, having what you think is a generally “ok” time, when you realize that you have absolutely no idea how that human is feeling about the situation? “If only there were some way to discern how humans feel about things, some kind of change in their appearance — kind of like how you ALWAYS know when a dog is happy, because of how their tail wags? I guess I just wish humans had tails,” you always say. WELL I HAVE SOME GOOD NEWS FOR YOU! Also I have some good news if, along with a wagging tail, you wish the tail humans had connected to your their brains and also told you the exact location where they felt whatever emotion they were feeling. It is your lucky day if these are things that you want!
Girlfriend: Why doesn’t your tail wag when you see me anymore?
Girlfriend: What do you mean “what”? We both wear these social networking tails. The first day we met we were wearing the tails and we’ve worn them every single day since then and yours no longer wags for me the way it used to.
Boyfriend: Oh, uh, I don’t know. Maybe it’s broken?
Girlfriend: YOU KNOW IT IS NOT BROKEN.
Boyfriend: Ok, ok! Jeeze!
Girlfriend: You aren’t happy anymore.
Boyfriend: I’m happy! I mean, I guess I’d say I’m more “content” than “happy,” but–
Girlfriend: I knew it.
Boyfriend: It’s not a bad thing!
Girlfriend: It feels like a bad thing.
Boyfriend: Listen, I love you. You know th–
Girlfriend: I don’t know what I know anymore.
Boyfriend: Don’t say that.
Girlfriend: My tail wags every single time I see you. I just don’t think–
Boyfriend: Don’t do this.
Girlfriend: I just don’t think I can be with someone whose tail that is somehow connected to their emotions in a way I don’t really understand doesn’t wag the same amount that mine does whenever we see each other.
Boyfriend: Listen, I’m sorry. I love you! My tail is wagging on the inside!
Girlfriend: Please don’t make this harder than it already is.
Girlfriend: I loved you. Goodbye.
Scene. (Via TheDailyWhat.)