The Revolution Drinking Game

JJ Abrams’s new show Revolution premieres tonight on NBC at 10PM Eastern. Yay? Revolution is this year’s Terra Catraz River Event. I guess the basic premise is that something happens and all of the technology is destroyed and now it is 15 years later and everyone makes their own butter by hand and has sword fights because of how guns run on batteries? Right. Why do shows set in post-Apocalyptic nightmares always feature so many swords? We don’t use swords now, why would we use swords when the world was even WORSE? “You don’t have to reload a sword.” Well guess what, there’s a lot of things you don’t have to do, because this isn’t real. I’m just saying: swords are ridiculous. But, so, about Revolution, the thing is we are talking about a very high concept premise that could theoretically good, but we are all every single one of us pretty sure that it might not deliver because we are human and we have memories of past experiences and also the ability to recognize patterns. But if you ARE going to watch Revolution tonight, you might as well drink about it. I have not seen this show, so these rules may or may not end up making any sense, but based on the show’s promo trailer, you should drink every time that:

  • People use technology in a way that no one actually uses technology but that is supposed to remind us of how reliant we all are on technology.
  • There is a shot of something with plants growing out of it that isn’t supposed to have plants growing out of it!
  • Someone makes a pop cultural reference that would even be out of date now much less whenever this show is supposed to take place.
  • A mysterious plot line is opened that you can just tell will never be closed.
  • Someone has perfect hair and teeth but you know life is tough because there’s a smudge of dirt on their cheek.
  • Giancarlo Esposito makes you wish this was just more episodes of Breaking Bad.
  • There is a visual reference to the old west and medieval times in the same scene.
  • The nerd does something nerdy even though we are now in a world that has none of the referents or structures to even support the existence of a “nerd.”
  • Despite years of privation, struggle, sacrifice, and raw survival, someone cracks wise.
  • It turns out that a good guy is a bad guy or vice versa.
  • Something happens where you are just like, “JJ ABRAMMMMMMS!!!!!”

Have fun, you guys. Be safe. The Revolution will be televised LOLOL (I can’t wait for a world of no blogs! Worth it!).