Imagining A Life You May Never Have

You wake up and a robot brings you your favorite kind of coffee in bed, without spilling a drop. “What’ll it be today, sir or ma’am?” says the robot. (The robot is referring to which newspaper or magazine or book you’d like to read this morning, because you have all the time in the world to do whatever you’d like because you almost never have to go to work because you’ve already made so much money that you don’t even know what to do with it.) “You know, Bertie,” you say, because you named your robot Bertie to be “clever” but in retrospect you don’t understand at all what you thought was so clever about it, “I think today I might want to dust off the old yacht and take her for a spin on the river near this mansion, where I live with my beautiful family.” “Sounds good, sir or ma’am!” says Bertie. “And the yacht slide, that is clean, yes?” you ask. “What, sir or ma’am? A slide, for the yacht?” “Yes, Bertie. You did put in an order for an inflatable yacht slide and then cleaned it like I requested, correct?” Bertie looks robot worried and says, “But, well, the only trouble is that I don’t believe those exist.” And you’ve just never felt so deflated in your life. They haven’t invented inflatable slides for yachts yet? WHAT KIND OF HORRIBLE WORLD HAVE YOU AWOKEN TO?

OH, PHEW! Thank God. They do exist. Oh, wow. Phew. That was a close call. Bertie will have to be destroyed, of course, but at least we’ll have the inflatable yacht slides. Whew! (Via UniqueDaily.)