Heroes and Zeros: Where Celebrities Intersect With LIFE, MAN

In the great city of New York, there are a lot of things going on at once, a lot of famous people walking around, and a lot of witnesses. The combination of these three things leads to a lot of hay made of what famous people do when they’re caught in moments that you don’t see every day, where everyone stops to look and notices “oh shit, that’s Jonah Hill”:

This is gross. Taking pictures of afterbirth on a park bench is gross. Chasing down the picture taker because he’s a public figure and it’s weird that he was there for that is gross. Jonah walking away though? I don’t know… I think he handled it just fine. It’s not like he jumped in and tried to score some press by delivering the baby himself or something.

You know what did seem a little bit like that, and therefore potentially more gross?

Stephen Baldwin holding the hand of a woman who had a seizure in the lobby of the Peninsula Hotel, where he happened to have his publicist by his side:

The actor and activist was accompanied by his publicist, Brad Taylor , as the two were having an informal meeting about getting a new modeling agent for Baldwin’s daughter when a noise came from the other side of the room.

“All of a sudden every head turned because there was this loud bang,” Baldwin told us exclusively. “It was this girl, fallen on the floor.”

Am I the only one who reads that and can picture Mr. Taylor drafting the press release as it was happening? Because if they weren’t discussing how to make Stephen Baldwin less of a joke to the public at large, they should have been. This is very cynical, I know. The woman was legit in trouble, and needed help. If Baldwin had experience dealing with epileptic seizures, then it was likely very fortunate that he was there and knew what was happening. Correction: it was fortunate that SOMEONE was there who knew what was happening. The fact that it was “the actor and activist” meant nothing, really. The way this story should have ended is with him walking away without speaking to press, and not with his publicist jumping around in the background spouting takeaway quotes like:

At that point, thanks to the actor’s help, the nurse had successfully revived the woman. “Stephen Baldwin was a hero to a girl,” Taylor said.

Come onnnnn! Maybe that was a little true… but there was sure as shit a part of Brad Taylor doing a little dance for the hero that girl could potentially become for Stephen Baldwin’s public image.