A Little Bit Of Pretty Obvious Sir Isaac Newton News

Sometime in our future, there is going to be an action movie about the life of Sir Isaac Newton from the producers of The Fast and the Furious and Rocky, because. Just because. We’re all kind of adults here. Each of us has been on the Earth for at least about 15 years at this point, if I had to guess. I don’t need to explain to you how it all works — you get how it works! This is how it works, from Collider:

Producers Rob Cohen (The Fast and the Furious) and Gene Kirkwood (Rocky) are looking to turn the life of Sir Isaac Newton into an action film for the new studio BiteSize Entertainment, which was unveiled during the Cannes Film Festival this year. Though known primarily through his work describing universal gravitation and the three laws of motion (and apocryphally as the man who had an apple fall on his head that lead to these discoveries), what is less known about Sir Isaac Newton is his time spent both as chief detective and head of the British Mint, a position the famous scientist held for the last 30 years of his life.

BUT WHO SHOULD PLAY HIM? It’s crazy how announcements of films that are going to be made a million years in the future almost never include a blurb about who the person reporting the story thinks should play the main person in the movie. The Internet truly HAS killed proper journalism. But because I AM A PROFESSIONAL, I’ll include my picks.

Obviously Adrian Brody

I think we’re done here, right? Obviously Adrian Brody should play Sir Isaac Newton in the action/adventure Sir Isaac Newton movie you ordered. THAT MUCH I KNOW IS OBVIOUS. But if I must include another choice, just so we have something to talk about, it would be:

Vincent Gallo, No Duh

No duh, BiteSize Entertainment. You’re welcome for doing your incredibly easy job for you. Can’t wait 4 the film.