You Can Watch Movies At Home Now!

I know that most of the people who read this site are 12-year-old girls who haven’t watched a movie on anything other than their Microsoft KIN, so please feel free to disregard the rest of this post and go back to writing “Mr. and Mrs. Lutz” on your jeans in Sharpie. But, I was talking to a friend this weekend and Snow White and the Huntsman came up, OBVIOUSLY, it was a Saturday night at a bar in Brooklyn and two grown men were talking, what did you think could come up? But so, I said that it was something I would probably watch at some point in my life, but that I would probably wait until it came out on DVD or HBO2, to which my friend responded that he thought it was one of those movies that you needed to see in the theater. What he meant, of course, was that any movie with such an emphasis on visual effects and epic set pieces deserved to be seen on the big screen. I did not throw my drink on the ground Thor-style and run to the theater to catch the midnight screening of Snow White and the Huntsman, but it did strike a chord with me, a chord that I have slowly come to believe is no longer a real chord. When a movie like Battleship comes out that I have a mild interest in seeing for poops and chuckles but don’t want to pay $11 to see, my first thought is always that I should still probably pay the $11 because “you need to see a movie like that on the big screen.” But I’ve been thinking about it, and you really don’t. Oh, there’s nothing better than a Dolby sound system and a seat full of bed bugs and a dude pressing his knees into the back of your head as he turns his lap into a Chinese restaurant (one time a dude sitting behind me had an entire buffet dinner from a Chinese restaurant, which seems cool and I definitely enjoyed) in terms of a communal experience. It’s the best! When people shout stuff at the screen and answer their cellphones? Love it. “I’m at the movies, can I call you back.” Sure you can! Call them back! Good transmission of information, they and we all appreciate it. But in terms of the need to see things on the big screen: this is from when we used to watch VHS on terrible television sets. It was a real thing not that long ago. You did need to see things in the theater because they looked like shit if you saw them at home. That’s not true anymore! (This is a good thinkpiece and if anyone wants to contact me for the reprint rights for Harper’s or The Atlantic Monthly, please contact my agent at Mensa.) Look, the point is: television sets are nice now, and I don’t own a Blu Ray player, but even an upconvert DVD player does a pretty good job, and HD TV fuhgettaboutit. I’m saying this dumb obvious thing because it’s actually a relatively new realization for me that my instinct is based on an outmoded sense of reality, and I don’t think I’m alone because a friend of mine at the bar said I needed to see Snow White and the Fucking Huntsman on the big screen. GOT TO. Men of a certain age. The world has changed, I can feel it in the water. (I actually do love going to the movies and still think people should go to the movies. You do you.) Hey, Ray Bradbury died! Sad. One time my friend and I went to a Ray Bradbury book signing because we had thought he was already dead and realized that God had given us a second chance. True story. We were very cool in high school. We went to all the coolest book signings. Saw EVERYTHING in the theater. You gotta. #Cool #Blogs #BluRayBradbury