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Mad Men: Everybody Hurts

HOO BOY. Before we even get INTO it, you guys might remember in the run-up to this season there was that bus poster ad that featured a “man” mannequin in a smoking jacket sitting in a chair looking at a “woman” mannequin without any clothes on, and at some point in an interview Matthew Weiner said that this ad would make total sense by the end of the season. Well, next week is the finale, and while I think that ad certainly makes a commentary about this show’s complicated struggle between showing real women while also objectifying women, and also whatever other placeholder “smart stuff” you want to throw at it in terms of gender roles, mannequin as cypher vs. human as cypher, or whatever, I definitely don’t feel like that ad somehow sums up the thematics of this season in particular. It certainly wasn’t as good as the Don Draper sitting in a room full of water one. Maybe if it was two mannequins revenge fucking each other on the carpeted floor of a Howard Johnson’s while two men in suits fist fought each other in the background. Oh well. I’m just wasting time because I don’t want to face the reality that SPOILER ALERT is SPOILER ALERT!

It’s interesting how a couple people in the comments mentioned at the start of the season that they thought Pete was going to kill himself. I never really bought into that, he’s too big of a pussy to pull it off. But clearly that general vibe was in the air and people just slightly misread it. Congrats? You guys are like truffle hunting pigs but for fictional suicides. Anyway, R.I.P. Lane. You were a lorry that flew to close to the scone. But your death made for great television and don’t let any of the angels in make believe heaven tell you any differently! Sheesh. Poor Lane. Poor Jaguar. They’re all whore-mongers and their cars don’t even work when you want to kill yourself!

Meanwhile, Don is back, huh? I told you he was back. He’s back! He’s tired of this piddly shit. He wants American Airlines. That speech he gave to Dupont was pretty good. “You don’t make Napalm, you’re a time machine.” Happiness is just a stop on the way to more happiness. Clean the blood out of your mouth and get hungry, gang. YOU AIN’T BEEN HUNGRY SINCE SUPREME CLIENTELE. Oh what’s this, another boring fight with Megan about whether or not he is thinking about her enough or insulting her too much? Move along. We have work to do.

Also, but, so Betty is just the worst mom? I know that kids are a lot of work and very frustrating and that it can’t be hard to compete with a younger woman who doesn’t have the deep maternal ties of responsibility and concern, or whatever, and I thought the conversations he had with Don about killing Sally was very funny and realistic, but when Sally runs home and hugs her and she doesn’t even know how to hug her daughter for a second as if she forgot? And then when she’s like “now you can have babies and one day maybe you’ll have a daughter and you can tell her what I just told you, which is basically just that now you can have babies, circle of life, candle in the wind!” Dull. Bad mom. Dumb old fatty.

See also: the end of the episode, which was very good. Guys, it’s so nice to have a hidden gem like Mad Men to enjoy together. Fingers crossed that no one ever hears about it and it’s just our little secret.