The 2012 MTV Movie Awards

The thing about working at a blog for long enough is that you can start to talk about how you don’t understand why a certain basic cable Awards program continues to exist long after it had any meaning or relevance or audience (if it ever had those things to begin with) only to realize you’d been beating that same old drum for years now. We get it, Gabe! You don’t like the MTV Movie Awards! Sure, but the question is: who does? And don’t say teenage girls because I’m not buying it! (It probably is teenage girls, though. I mean, NO SPOILERS, but let’s just say that the Twilight movies, the Harry Potter movies, and the Hunger Games movies were all elevated to HIGH ART this year and finally given the RECOGNITION they DESERVE.) I will still never forgive the MTV Movie Awards for a couple of years ago when the movie Salt was nominated for a Best Angelina Jolie Chase Scene Award or whatever the stupid fucking non-category category was, but SALT HADN’T EVEN COME OUT YET. This year Jennifer Aniston won an award for Best On-Screen Dirt Bag? What is this? Can we kill this? Someone put this out of its misery. Last night I turned on the MTV Movie Awards red carpet show and they breathlessly announced that we were about to get an exclusive sneak peek at some never-before-seen from the upcoming Katy Perry 3D concert movie. No thank you! Later, because my DVR was messing up during Mad Men, I switched back only to see Josh Hutcherson in a pork pie hat accepting his award for Best Fight. He would also win for Best Actor. Right. No, totally. What a great actor. Simply tha best. LMFAO won the award for Best Music. Do you see what I’m getting at? We don’t need this. Life is hard enough.

A Full list of winners at the 2012 MTV Movie Awards after the jump:

Movie of the Year
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1

Best Male Performance
Josh Hutcherson, The Hunger Games

Best Female Performance
Jennifer Lawrence, The Hunger Games

Best Comedic Performance
Melissa McCarthy, Bridesmaids

Breakthrough Performance
Shailene Woodley, The Descendants

Best Cast
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2

Best On-Screen Transformation
Elizabeth Banks, The Hunger Games

Best Fight
Jennifer Lawrence and Josh Hutcherson vs. Alexander Ludwig, The Hunger Games

Best Kiss
Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1

Best Gut-Wrenching Performance
Bridesmaids (Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph, Rose Byrne, Melissa McCarthy, Wendi

Best On-Screen Dirtbag
Jennifer Aniston, Horrible Bosses

Best Music
“Party Rock Anthem,” LMFAO (21 Jump Street)

Congratulations to all of the nominees at the 2012 MTV Movie Awards. And congratulations to Encino Man for picking up the Lifetime Achievement Award for Best Movie. And congratulations to the viewers. And Russell Brand, and let’s give it up one more time to Josh Hutcherson and the guys at Diet Red Bull and Dorito’s and XBOX 360. See you on the flippity flop!